My Senses

My Senses

I have eyes
so i can see
a tiny star, a great big tree

I have ears
so i can hear
a ringing bell, a roaring cheer

I have taste
so when i eat
i can tell the bitter from the sweet

I have touch
so i can feel
hot like fire, cold like steel

So i can smell
i have a nose
baking bread, a summer rose

These are my senses
i need so much,
ears, eyes, nose, taste and touch

Tea with Tom

Been busy doing nothing recently. Been seeing old mates like Tom Palmer, the football writer and fell runner. Tom drinks a lot of tea and runs about up big hills. It was good to see him. I only get to see other writers at Christmas and holidays cos they are like me and always in schools in term time. Been watching films and going for walks. Getting all ready for the big day now. Its CHRISTMAS this Sunday!!! This year as gone really fast, i mean last Christmas seems like it was only 12 months ago!!

Er, hang on.....

Pants On Tour!!!

I have been driving all over the place recently, reading poems from my new book POETRY IS NOT PANTS and i have had some fantastic days in schools. Off the top of my head there was Ennedale Bridge school up in the lake district, Netheredge Primary in Sheffield, i have been in that school about 6 times and have a really grtea time everytime i go back. Then there is St John VIanney in Blackpool and Thames in Blackpool then what about Carnagill Primary up in Catterick, that one is always great and last but not least there is Whitkirk in Leeeds which was a great day. Thanks to all the schools and thanks to everyone who has bought my new book. If you keep reading 'em, i'll keep writing 'em!!!!

The Sat Nav Has Landed

What, with all the driving i am doing at the moment, 1000 miles a week, all in the dark on busy motorways and little country lanes i kept getting lost so i have borrowed a sat nav. I love maps, always have, love the fact that all those little squiggley lines on the paper are real rivers and roads but when you are on your own in a car and you are driving you can't keep looking at th map or you will drive into a tree!! So i have this magic box now and it speaks to me and says Turn Left, turn right and all that. So far it has worked. It got me to a library across Leeds at rush hour and it got me to a school in Rochdale so i'll keep trying it. Its good, 21st century techno stuff but, its not as good as a crinkly, coffee stained map you can pour over at midnight. All old explorers used maps. I mean how many pirates do you know who used sat navs???

Is Anybody There????

This blog thing ......i have kept doing it cos i never knew who reads it, if anyone. I ask people in school but nobody says they read it, or at least admit to it. So, just for the sake of doing it i will keep doing it. In fact over December i reckon that i will try and blog everyday if i can. I read other writers blog and you can get an idea about what the writer is thinking about and where they are coming from. So i'll blog on, if just for the typing practise. if you are out there, let me know.....

The Pants On Tour

I have been going into loads of schools recently, its what i do!! I have been up the Lake district a lot , driving down windy little roads in the pitch black ( its dark at 4pm now) trying to find the schools or the hotel where i am staying. I haven't got a sat nav but i can feel one coming on!! I have been selling my new book POETRY IS NOT PANTS and we have sold about 200 copies so far, which in ten days for a poetry book, isn't bad going!!! I have ten more schools to visit and some radio to do before i finish for tthe holidays but its the 1ts of December tomorrow and its all getting a bit like Chrimbo. We will put the tree up this weekend and they will be tinsel everywhere.

POETRY BURP

Just finishing another new book -POETRY BURP - which should be out soon. I'll let you know.

Up In Newcastle.....again!!!!!!!!!!

I have spent the weekend up in the North east of the country at Newcastle. I was launching my new book at the Northern Children's Book Fair which is the biggest children's book fair in Europe. It was a good day with loads of other writers there including Jeremy Strong who has written 90 books!! After i had done my bit- and ta for everyone who came, i did two shows and they were book sold out!!! blimey, well..after i went to South Shields cos it was lovely sunny day and i wanted to walk on the beach.

Today i was in York working with looked after children and had a hoot!!! We were doing the session in the University and its been a while since i was in one of those!!!

POETRY IS NOT PANTS

Yesterday i saw my brand new book - POETRY IS NOT PANTS - for the first time. I held it and sniffed it and looked at it. Its always a real buzz to see a book, a real book with my name on it. Bit exciting and a bit weird. It always gets me thinking about books and stuff. I never planned to be a children's poet, i didn't even know there was such a job really!! Lots of people write books that get get read by anyone else. Lots of people call me a writer and i am (poems don't write themselves!! ) but i always feel that i am a performer first. I have been performing in some way since 1981, first as a drummer, then as a stand up comedian and now as a poet. I spend a lot more hours a year reading my poems out that writing them. If i didn't read my poems out in schools and get paid for doing it then i would have to drive a van or something. To be a poet, a full time professional poet, then you HAVE to read your poems out, you HAVE to perform then to anyone who will listen, sometimes you perform them to people who don't listen!!! Though not too much of that these days!!! And i think that is only right. I always say that poems are not finished until they have been read out and heard by somebody else. Its only then that your poems come alive and takes off and surprises you. I love surprising myself. I keep on being amazed that i perform and write poems for a job, even now after nearly 10 years of doing it. In fact its my tenth year next year, 10 whole years of getting away with it!!!!! bring on the next ten, thats what i say!!!! Lets keep on being amazed!!!

Bonfires, Books and er... Beetroot

I have just eaten loads of beetroot but that's another story....its all getting exciting now..my new brand new book POETRY IS NOT PANTS should be in my hands in the next 10 days and POETRY BURP should be arriving soon after that!!! I have got loads of schools lined up to go into so its going to get a bit mad but in a good way. I have already started writing more poems for another book that will be out next year. Its called Rhyme O Rama - well it is at the moment, that might all change though. Just had bonfire night, new books and Chrimbo around the corner, blimey, i can't keep up.

Might as well go and finish the beetroot jar....

How To Be A Rainbow

How To Be A Rainbow

Wait for a day thats not quite sure
what it wants to do
and when that bluegrey day arrives
then its upto you...

Paint yourself across the sky
in a big upside down smile
curl yourself from cloud to cloud
for mile after mile

Dance between the rain and sun
in colours bright and bold
then at the very end of you
place a pot of gold

NEW BOOKS OUT DEAD SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POETRY IS NOT PANTS and POETRY BURP are my new books that will be out soon. i am just finishing off Burp and then it will be ready to go to the typesetter, to make sure its all ok and the words look cool on the page and then it will go to the printers. I am looking forward to seeing the books in the flesh. i have gone though them loads of times and i am dead chuffed with them. Just hope people like them when they come out. Its still all amazing seeing a book, a real book with your name on it, still all a bit odd.

Next year will be my 10th year as a professional poet and performer. TEN YEARS!! I have never had a job that long before!! I am planning to do 10 daft things and i'll let you know what i decide.

Chickenfoot and the Magic Door

There is this bloke i know. He's called Tom Palmer. Tom, well, he's all sorts of things - a runner, a Leeds fan but mostly he writes these good books about football. You might know 'em. Well i read his blog and he has been talking about magic doorways. Tom goes running up big hills, lots of writers i know run or walk, ( why is that?) and he has to go through a gate on the tops and when he does he feels like he is entering a magical place. I got thinking about that. Where is my magic gate? Well i reckon its all to do with writing, thinking, walking and music. When i write poems i kinda go into a magic place, ( cafes and pubs mainly!!) when i think it happens as well and it happens when i walk - time dissolves and melts like butter in a pan - - and it most definitely happens when i listen to good music. Good loud music. At the mo i am listening to Chickenfoot, a loud rock band from America. Check em out, you might find your magic gate!!!! Rock n'roll doggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Archie Andrews And His Amazing Robot Show

I am sat here with me old mate and mucka Archie Andrews. His real name is Andy but Archie suits him. He lives in Thailand but is working over here in England for a bit. He is a engineer type of bloke who has a job that i don't really understand. His favourite colour is green and his fave pie is Steak, he used to like meat and potato but he has changed. He likes robots and computers and soon wants to take over the world with his robot workshops. So if you know a teacher who wants a robot in school let me know. Here are 3 famous robots....R2D2, K9 and bender out of Futurama. Maybe I should write some robopoems!!

The Haunted Hotel

I was in Jessons Primary school on Friday, the day before half term and had a great time. All the pupils were drssed up to celebrate Book Week and i saw loads of Batman types and princesses and Spidermen and i even saw the Incredible Hulk!! The night before i stayed in a hotel in Dudley called The Station and its haunted!! I was told that by everyone!! There have special ghost nights there and see strange, spooky stuff!!Doors slam and taps get turned on for no reason, y'know all the usualt ghostly goings on!! I slept all on my own in room 104 and didn't hear anything. Some great old comedians have stayed at the Station - there is a an old boarded up theatre called the Hippodrome across the road - and i was hoping i might get haunted by one of them!! I don't really believe in ghosts but it still gave the night a bit of a zing!!! Whoooooaaaarrrgggghhh!!!!!!!!!

LIVE AT THE BRIDGEWATER HALL!!!!!!!!

My mate Terry Caffrey is the writer in res at the fantastic Bridgewater Hall in Manchester and he is away and asked me to fill in for him this week. The Bridgewater Hall is an amazing building so its a real delight to read my poems out in there. I did my first sesh with Audenshaw Primary and had a real beano!!! I am doing two more sessions and really looking forward to them. I havebeen lucky enough to have performed in some beautiful old theatres -the Buxton Opea House, The Grand in Blackpool, the Ritz in Salford and Leeds Town Hall - but the Bridgewater Hall is new ultra modern theatre and just a great place for poetry!! Mind you, anywhere is a good place for poetry to me!!!

Muddy On The Moors

I went for a walk today on a very famous moor. It was in a place called Haworth, which isn't very far from me and is famous for the Bronte sisters who wrote books years and years ago. It was really windy on the moor and kept blowing my hat off!! There were puddles and mud everywhere and i kept sinking my boots in the stuff. My boots were caked in mud and looked like they were made of chocolate that was melting in front of the fire. But it was great walk. I saw this place called the Top Withins, which is an old ruined farmhouse. I met another walker who was sheltering out of the wind. He told me that he used to be a mechanic but doesn't want to do it anymore. I asked him what he was going to do and he looked at me and told me that he was going to make a scary vampire movie!!!! Blimey!! Its amazing who you meet up on the Moors!!!

Thanks to Megan

There was this girl in Norton College who said that she laughed so much that here braces fell oyut...best thing i've ever heard about me!!!

A Life Size Model Of The World

Recently i have been all over the universe - Salford, Gateshead, Rainhill, Norton, Leeds, Bury, York, Catterick - you name it, I've been there. As well as performing my poems in all these schools i have been busy sorting out the final details of my two new books that are coming out - hopefully in November, but you can't really rush 'em, they will be ready when they are ready!!! POETRY IS NOT PANTS and POETRY BURP. As well as all the worky wordy writey type stuff i have been walking, playing the guitar a lot and singing in the bathroom. I have been watching football on the telly ( England in the Euros) and been on the radio a coupla times talking about this and that. I have been speaking to my old mate and world champion pig wrestlerAndy Amos aka Archie Andrews who told me that he wants to build a life size model of the world!!!!!! Think about that a minute...a life size model of the world.....but...hang on a mo... if it was life size....then it would be as big as the real world ...and if a model of the world was as big as the real world...where would you put it??????

Busybustbusy

This week has been a busy one. One Monday i drove to Sudbury in Suffolk which took me 5 hours from my house. Hello to Helen, Neil and Josh who made me very welcome. I went into Helen's school, Woodhall Primary and read some poems out and had a hoot. Then i drove all the way back. The day after i was up in a place called Ampleforth, in St Benedicts Primary in North Yorks. Its a beautiful place and it was glorious day , it felt like i was on holiday. I got asked some great questions there by the pupils. I got asked 'How do you make a poem funny?' and 'What makes a good poem?'. I normally get asked things like, 'Do you like fish fingers?', so these questions were brill!!!! Then on Friday i was in Huyton, near Liverpool, the place where Steven Gerrard was born. I was in Kirkby library and then in Huyton giving some Summer Reading Challenege certificates out. Then i went to Manchester and met my mate the poet Terry Caffrey for a laugh!! So a full week of driving, poetry and fun fun fun!!!!

Keys, Beds and Kippers

Today i was on the radio again. I was on BBC Radio York, going through the papers and talking about any stories that catch my eye. The bloke doing the show was Jezza Buxton who is a good bloke!! We talked about anything for example...why has Jezza got a massive bunch of keys, why does he sleep with his feet sticking out of the end of his bed, why has he got a mailbox, the day he met a cod, kippers and how he got to go up Emley TV mast which is twice as high as Blackpool tower. I don't think we actually spoke about anything we were supposed to!! but that's the fun of live radio innit!!!

Hello Norm

Did a writing workshop in Heywood, near Rochdale today. met a great bloke called Norman, who is a poet i have met before, always great to work with great people. Spoke to people about writing and making things up and tried to give people a few tips and ideas. I was never any good in writing workshops when i went to University. When somebody told me to write something i couldn't do it. I was too busy trying to make it the best thing ever where its really its more about opening up and trying stuff out. That's why its called a workshop!! I really enjoyed it and got a lot out of it myself so ta for that!!

Golden Hill and Nether Edge

Been back in schools again. did 2 days in a crazy - in a good way - school in Sheffield. It used to be called Abbeydale but now its called Nether Edge. Its the 5th time i have been back here and i really enjoyed it. Everyone seems to know me and they all know my poems. its like being famous!! One class even had this whole little routine planned out and danced to one of my poems!! It was brilliant!! Then i was in a school called Golden Hill which isn't on a hill and it isn't gold!! That was great, i have been in there before as well!! Its always good getting to go back into schools, good to see what thing everyone remembers.

Radio 4 - Pick Of The Week

i have just heard that a documentary that i wrote and presented for BBC Radio Leeds was put out on Radio 4s programme Pick Of The Week!! I have been on local BBC Radio stations doing bits and bobs here and there for years now but never on national radio before. It was the first full length doc that i have done and me and the producer and co writer Nick have done and we are both dead chuffed with it. Its strange and exciting to think that while i am up here in Huddersfield that somewhere in Britain, Cardiff, Glasgow or Southampton, a bloke could be listening to me waffling on the radio. Just a bloke, making a cup of tea. He might even had talked to the radio and in a way kind of talked to me. Strange, exciting and a bit magic!!

Can Bald People Get Dandruff?

The two new books are called Poetry Is Not Pants and Poetry Burp!! It will be great to get them out. I wrote the poems for them a while ago now and i have already been reading some out in schools. They seem to go well. When these book are all done and out there in the real world then i will have a cuppa tea, and start writing some more poems and stuff innit!!

I have always got a million ideas like a book called Rumblebelly all about a town called Rumblebelly and you could have a poem called Rumblebelly Road and one about the footy team called Rumblebelly Rovers, then you could write about the school, Rumblebelly Primary and all that. What do you reckon??? OR.. a poetry book full of funny questions that you answer in the form of a poem like it could be called Do Bald People Get Dandruff? and that poem could go.....

Do bald people get dandruff
cos i don't think its fair
if you can get dandruff
if you ain't got no hair


or sommat like that!!!!!!!

other Qs could be..If a fly is called a fly cos it flies then why isn't a fish called a swim?
Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is it called washing up and not washing down? Why does fat chance mean the same as slim chance???? questions questions questions....

Been sitting and reading loads of poems now for ages. I have two new books coming out and you have to do this thing called editing and proofing. Editing is where you make any changes to your poems like take a bit out and put a new bit in and try to make it as peotic as poss. Thats the thing with poems they have to have some poetry in 'em!! check and double ccheck for any speeling missaches ( like them) and proofing is ,er..more of the same really

Walking The Wall

I have just walked Hadrians Wall!! Hadrian was a roman emperor who built this massive wall that is 84 miles long across the country. It was to keep people out of England. It is about 2000 years old. Most of the wall has gone now but you can still see bits of it, it used to be 15 feet high and 10 feet thick!! It was great to walk it. It took me and my old mate Andy, 6 days to walk the full length of it. It only rained on one day so that was OK!! Here are some of the stuff we saw on the way... a tank driving on the road, loads of ruins, a lost man from Poland, Carlisle, millions of angry looking cows and one bull!! Now it is the last day of August which means that the summer jollys are about done and dusted so its time to put my walking boots away and get back into schools. Today and tomorrow i am in Rotherham libraries doing some writing workshops with teenagers. Its all walking and walls and writing and workshops innit!!!!

Sitting in the sun

I have just finished a book about the old blokes who put together the first proper English Dictionary. it was all a bit mind boggling. It was a book about murder, madness and the English language!!! Blimey O Riley what a story!! This bloke who used to be a Doctor in the USA went a bit doolally and shot a bloke cos he thought he was going to attack him - he wasn't - and he got sent to a hospital for poorly people. Then this other bloke, this really clever bloke had the job of putting together teh dictionary and asked for people to help him...well.. this mad bloke wrote to him and helped him loads. In fact he went on to be one of the most important people behind the dictionary. He was called Dr W. C Minor and the other brainy bloke was called DR James Murray. It was a brilliant book. You wouldn't think that a book about another book could be so interesting but it was. It made me think about books and the people who write them and about all the work that goes into it!! You gotta treat books with respect people!!!

Carig Bradely and Greg Smelly

I am not a brilliant typist. I have learnt to be better because i am a writer and i have to do a lot of it. I always write poems with a pen in my hand because i am a better writer than i am a typer and besides if you write a poem on the computer it looks finished when it isn't.....but when i write emails and blogs and all that stuff i have to type. But here's the thing, i type my name like this Carig Bradely. I don't know why its just where my fingers want to go and who am i to argue. Another thing about my name is when i sign autographs somethings in schools it looks like i have written Greg Smelly. Imagine that, being called Mr Smelly!!!

Jimmys

I was doing two cool things today. I was on BBC Radio Leeds. I went through the papers and tried to find sommat interesting to speak about something funny and a bit weird then after that i went to a hospital called St James or Jimmy's as everyone calls it, and read some poems out to the young people in there. It was mad and loud and frantic but all in a good way. It was red hot today and it looks like the summer has come at last!!! I plan to spend all weekend in the back garden doing nothing except cutting the grass, having a BBQ, playing football, teaching Jack to ride his bike, reading, packing for the holidays, sunbathing, more reading, maybe do some writing, stare at clouds, daydream, go for a zebra ride, fight a bear and drink cold drinks.

PS i made that bit about the zebra up but I'm dead serious about the bear!!!

The Man From The BBC

Today i had a bit of a different day. I am making a documentary about a man called Joshua Tetley. Joshua had a brewary in Leeds, years and years ago now, and BBC Radio Leeds asked to talk about him on the radio. Tetleys brewary is leaving Leeds after 189 years. I have done lots of radio stuff before but never a proper 1 hour show about anyone. I had to research Joshua's life and find out lots about him. I had to sound like i knew what i was talking about!!!! I did it with my mate Nick, who is a producer at BBC Radio Leeds. A producer is someone who tells me what we are going to do and to say my bit again if it was rubbish!!! And i was rubbish quite a bit!!!! We went into Leeds market to talk to people about Tetelys brewary. Its called vox popping. That was good fun. I am doing a lot more work on the show and it will be on the radio this August bank holiday. Doing this kind of thing is completely different to reading my poems out in primary schools but i think doing different stuff now and again is a good way to learn new stuff!!!

Raw seagull anyone?

One of the best things for me about summer is that i have more time to read. I spend a lot of time thinking about which book to read next and take ages picking books up then putting them back down and picking up another. I have just read a book about Captain Bligh who was a real sea captain back in the late 1700s. His crew stole his ship of him (its called a mutiny) and left him in a little boat. Amazingly he sailed over 4162 miles across the pacific ocean and made it back in one piece, just about!! He survived drinking a spoonful of water everyday!!!!!!! He even caught seagulls with his bare hands and ate them raw!! What a trip, what a story, the next time your train is late or you are stuck in a traffic jam just think about poor old Captain Bligh!!!

Done but not dusted

I have pretty much done for the summer now and its been a bit busy but in a good way. First i did the Coast To Coast walk, more about that to come on the website, then i got back and went straight into school visits, 2 days in Stockport school which was ace and then 2 days up in Gateshead at the Jospeh Swan school where i did 8 performances to over 400 pupils in 2 days. Then i had another week in Blackpool. I have been Blackpool Schools Poet In Residence this summer term and i have had a blast. I was in St Johns, Boundary, Thames and Devonshire and i enjoyed myself in every one of them. Doing this Blackpool residency has been great so ta for everyone at the school, especially to Mr Kirkpatrick who took me out for a curry, even if some one said that i look like James May!!!
Now i have to get my old mate Sprocket to tart me old website up, loads of stuff about the walk and Blackpool to put on and then that's me done for a bit.

Slippers out, feet up, well till the next time.....

C2C

Hi every1 !! here is a slideshow of the photos from the C2C enjoy!

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We finished the COAST TO COAST WALK on Saturday at Robin Hoods Bay. It has been amazing. The weather has made the trip and i feel like we have got away with it, like we skipped across the country, all 200 miles of it. The aim was to blog along the way but you can be in the middle of nowhere and just can't get a signal. I will blog some more about the trip, say lots of thanks and all that stuff later. But, yep, we did it. COAST TO COAST WALK. 3 of us. 200 miles. 8 schools. 90 hours of walking. Over £1000 for charity.

DONE.

COAST 2 COAST - DAY ONE

Day One: Monday 20th June - St Bees - on a beatiful day, the sun smiling in the sky. BTW Mr Bean (aka Rowan Atkinson) used to attend St Bees School! Had breakfast - thanks to Mr Sewell for sorting this out for us. I did my poetry thing and about 25 young people walked with us to the beach (us being me, Andy aka Poncho Sprockett and Keith aka Bomber Bennett). They waved us off in style and we set off...

After 14 miles we arrived in Ennerdale Bridge. A massive thanks to Dr Ayling for his fantastic hospitality. Bedtime, reading to wake up refreshed to do it all over again!!!

5000 Hits

Just looked at a film of me on You Tube and it has had over 5000 hits!!!! That is fantastic. Big thank you to everyone who has looked at it -its me on the library bus up in Sunderland - and a extra big thanks to TONY WILSON for making the film in the first place. TA muchly!!!!

Games Gone By

Just finished the last of my 4 sessions with a group of nutters, oops, lovely young people at St Johns and St Marks Primary in Bury. I have been going in there and getting them into writing about the olden days and the stuff that people used to do for fun. The teacher was called Miss Brokenbrow, which is the name of the week for me!!! She used to be a ballet dancer and showed us some moves!!! You go girl!!I am actually writing this blog wearing my tutu, tights and little shoes!!! We had a laugh and wrote some new poems and bits and bobs. Big thanks to everybody there, hello to Jake the snake!! and to Baha, Imman the crazy cricket kid, Alia the super assistant, Zeynab from Spec savers, Zeynab the neat writer, Sean O, Amir, Sophie, Hannah, James and the Moon boy!! and to everyone else not forgetting Mrs Iqbal and Mrs C Shaw!!! You lot ROCK!!!

The Future Is Here Now!!!!!!!!!

Its countdown time!! Here's the thing.... about 6 months ago i thought it would be a supadupa mini cooper, idea to take two weeks off and walk 200 miles across England from the irish Sea to the North Sea. Yes i said to myself, that's a grand thing to do, a great thing, i know I'll do it in June sometime, its miles away!!! Well..., its June now. Holy Moly!!!That's the thing with making future plans, time ticks away and before you know it WOW its here!!!

THE FUTURE IS HERE NOW!!!

I am going with two other blokes. One is Andy aka Sprocket, who is an old mate and in charge of bells, flags, whistles and faders. And the other is Bomber Bennett, an ex soldier, (left right left right left right) who is charge of route, maps and provisions. I have been getting all my gear together - blister plasters, boots, rucksack, tent, maps, trombone etc and the other stuff. I am performing in schools along the route, 9 schools have said OK so all in all ins going to be a bit mad. I will be blogging my way across and writing about the walk.
keeping fingers crossed for decent weather!!!!

Yeah man!! bring it on!!!!

Training

I am walking 200 miles across England in a couple of weeks , on the famous Coast To Coast path. I thought i'd better get some training in so i have off walking for a couple of days. First i wnet upto Blencathra, a big hill in the lake district. I wanted to walk over a place called Sharp Edge but the wind was so strong and the fog was thick so i gave it a miss. Had a great walk though, Blencathra is a fantastic place go and get away from the world!!! On the second day i wnet on one of my favourite walks from Ilkey to Bolton Abbey and back. Its about 12 miles and it was awesome. The sun was shining and the scenery was amazing. I went with Captain Andrew Amos, an old mate of mine who is coming on the Coast To Coast. Got a couple of blisters but all worth it!!

My Bum Is Blue

I was driving to Marsden primary school today, doing some more school visits for the StreetSpeak Playing for Success project. I went across the moors from Hebden Bridge to Nelson and man o man was it dramatic!!! There was a low mist up on the tops and when i drove into it it felt like driving into Jurassic park. IT DID!! it must be spooky at night!!! Pitch black!!!If a T-Rex had appeared out of the mist i would have waved hello and said ' Good Morning Mr Rex, did you send your mate a text??'. I saw rain and wind and more rain. I saw little twisty turny roads with big sheer drops down the edge. I saw Eesaw sitting on a seesaw. I saw loads of rabbits and rooks and crows trying to fly in the wind. I thought i was going the wrong way but it was awesome i kept going and eventually i found the school. Doing the job that i do and travelling all over the place means that i get to see places that i might have not have seen if was a postman or something. Anyway, i got to school and we ended up writing a poems called My Bum Is Blue!!! Just the way to end a brilliant and dramatic trip!!!

Dancing On The Moor

I had a great day the other day. I was working on a great project that i've been involved in called Streetspeak. It started at the National Football Museum a couple of years ago and it involves me and some other writers going around schools and talking to young people about writing, poetry and all that stuff. Anyway.. i waa doing some follow ups in schools in Burnley. It was an amazing day and i thought that i would set off early and go the scenic route. So i got up at daft o'clock and started out. I drove to Colne over in Lancashire. I drove over teh moors and it was awesome. I stopped by a reservoir for a minute and just looked around. The sky was clear and the birds were singing and i felt like dancing. So i did. I did a quick jig on the moor. Tahst how to start the day. I recommend it!! I got some strange looks off passing drivers but like i always say, dance like no-ones looking and you'll be OK!!

May all your skies be blue and keep dancing!!!!!!!!

Le Artiste

I was in the Scarborough Evening News the other day, they came along and snapped me while i was doing a gig in the library at Hunmanby near Scarborough. It was part of the Scarborough Literature Festival. The write up or the words about the picture ( it was a good pic by the way, big hello to Ellen and Joe!! ) were good cos they called me a self styled, multi talented performance artiste!!
I've been called many things before but never that. I remember when i used to be a comedian ( i gave up cos everyone used to laugh at me!!) i once got called the Master Of Mirth, which was funny. Lots of teachers introduce me in schools as That Poetry Bloke which is great. I think they also use that if they forget my name which is cool. I once got to a school and got called Geoff Barker. Nothing wrong with that. Geoff Barker is a good name its just not my name!! Good name for a 1950s centre forward for West Ham. Among the other things i've been called are 'Prize winning writer' (true), 'Ex Grave digger', ( true) and Bruce Willis ( not true ).Being a performance artiste is cool though, i'm more than happy with that!! Its all a bit French sounding which is ace. And if i am gonna be french lets do it...."Les Grandes Pensees viennent du coeur....

Le Homme Poetic!!!!

Back Into It

I have had two weeks on not doing much but now its time to get back into doing stuff!!! I haven't been sat down all day eating Kitkats ( i wish) but I've been doing bit and bobs. I was in a school in Stoke and i took my family and from there we went to Chester, had a look at the town - its ace, full of old Romans - and then we went to the zoo. I up really close to monkey, WOW, it was amazing!!! Then we went to Liverpool and saw the Iron men on Crosby beach. I love stuff like that. There are 100 life size men made from Iron just standing there looking at the sea. Its all a bit weird and wonderfull and kinda scary for some reason. Then we had a look around Liverpool and the Albert Docks. Great stuff and all the time the sun was shining and shining, makes all the difference. So its been a great holiday - Chester and Liverpool!! But i'm looking forward to getting back into schools reading my poems out and having a laff!! Bring it on....

Work-O-Rama

Its been mad city here at my house for a while. March is always really busy with school visits and its been pretty much non-stop since the last week of Feb but now i have 2 weeks off to put my feet up or maybe go mad and paint the shed!! Over the last few weeks i've been in schools all over the country including Liverpool, Chorley, Derby, Newcastle, Norton, Halifax, Harrogate, Blackpool, Maccelsfield, Ripon, Leeds, Hull, Scarborough, Doncaster, Rochdale, Gateshead and Belgium!!! I must have travelled 1000s of miles and i reckon i have done about 115 one hour performances!! Thats a lot of poems innit!! I have worked out that i have spoke to over 3000 people. In that time I have eaten 13 Twix Bars, 9 KitKats, 6 packets of Hobnobs and probably around 40 bags of crisps!!

Now i am going to go for lots of walks, read, build a summer house in my garden, lay a patio, go to the seaside, watch old black and white films, bake a date and walnut cake and er..eat it!!

Happy Holidaze!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Brussels!!!!!!!!!

I am sat in the International School of Brussels in Belgium. I am in the library between workshops. I have been here for a couple of days, writing and performing poems in the schools theatre!!! Yeah man!! How cool is that!!! The school is massive and has its won tennis bubble (what???). The people are friendly and speak a million languages. I've never been here before and Brussels is an amazing place full of old buildings and mysterious looking people who look like they;re in old spy films!! I like the place a lot!! I came on the Euro Star which is a train that goes under the sea, like some kind of sci-fi movie. It was cool as custard. Yeah man!!!!!!!

Sun, Sea and Scarborough

I have just got back from three great days by the sea. First i was in Keyingham, which is by Withernsea by the sea and then i went to Scarborough, to Overdale Primary school. I stayed over in a B and B and got up really early because the sun was shining and i wanted to walk on the beach. It was fantastic. If only the sun shone a bit more!!! I was just listening to the waves and i got into the the rhythm of it all and i wrote....I hear the waves upon the shore, i hear this sound and nothing more, just the waves ebb and flo, in they come and out they go....which sounds like a poem written by a bloke with a big beard about 100 years ago!!! But on Scarborough beach i wrote this one...well i didn't write it, it just sort of popped up in my head....

I saw a man
a bloke like me
and he was talking
to the sea

He was standing there
having a chat
talking about this
talking about that

He looked serious
he wasn't playing
i wondered what
the waves were saying

I thought it was strange
a little bit weird
but when i looked again
he'd disappeared.....

On scabby beach i saw this bloke going out in a little tatty old fishing boat. I watched as he got further and further away on the sea until he was just a little teenyweeny dot on the horizon. I thought wow, imagine doing that everyday. All out there on the sea all on your own. I mean all i do for a living is read poems out in schools. This guy gets on his boat and takes his life in his hands and he does it everyday. But maybe being a poet is a bit like being a fisherman. We both try and catch things like fish and ideas and we both wait for a good thing to turn up. He works with the waves i work with the words. Hey c'mon lets ride this wordwave together!!!!

Headstands Down The Loo

I was in a staffroom in a school the other day, trying to nick a Kitkat and i saw a book on disgusting things. I looked in it and i learnt that a slugs bum is behind its head!!! Behind its head!! Holy malonie!! Imagine if we were built like that, i mean how would you use the toilet?? You'd have to do headstands down the loo??

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!!!!! Hello by the way to any slugs who are reading this!!!

WORLD BOOK DAY 2011

Today was World Book Day which is like Pancake Day but without the pancakes and the syrup, maybe we should sprinkle sugar over books, see if it sweetens them up a bit!! Books for breakfast anyone??? I was in a great school in the middle of nowhere in Langton up in North Yorks. It is by an old ruined church called Kirkham Priory which is by a river. it was a lovely place so i stopped and had a cheese butty. Butty me up big!! The school was great fun. There are only 86 people who go to this school - lots of the girls wanted to be horse riders when they finish school- and i think i talked to every single one of them. It was doozy. Yesterday i was in another brilliant school called The Gleddings Prep school in Halifax, where i grew up. Its always wicked going back to my old home town. THANKYOU everyone for a supa dupa day!! I hope you all had a great World Book Day and that you keep on reading and enjoying books!! READ ON BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!!

By the way, my son Ben won a prize for the Best Dressed Book Character at his school. He went as Robinson Crusoe, with a torn shirt and a toy knife tucked into his belt and everything!! Well done Benny Boy!!!

Live at I.A.M KS3 Chorley Intervention

I am in Chorley in Southlands High School. I'm sat in a room with Jamie the Pieman, Speedy Luke, Paul, Dillon and Connor. They are doing some ryhme time stuff and its all a bit quiet!! They are also doing some riddles like my first is in window but not in fish, y'know the kind of thing. Hi im connor and im sat in a room with a stranger who can rhyme!! See ya later!!!! yo yo yo its da pie man i LOVE PIE and i neva stop saying it and it waz ma b day yesterday and i had a beast tea it was a MASSIVE fat pie yh man if i was da whole world was full of pies i would neva leave that world eva eva eva eva again brap. hi iam luke and i support blackburn rovers they're the best team in the world and i am doing shadows with craig bradly thanks craig for the last few weeks thank again chaww. Names paul and i go to Holycross my hobbys is playing Football,Tennis,Table Tennis and Basketball I like repping the Xbox 360 :D and i think That Poetry Bloke is a funny guy!.hi im dillon and i love doing poetry with craig and i love playing on black opss on ps3 and aperently goucho is the funnyest person in the world and i go to albany science college and craig is funny yeah mann !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi,Debra Skeoch here, fun times with Craig and cohort 10 of I.A.M PROGRAMME over the last 3 weeks. Rhyming, rapping, jokes and tricks. A good time had by all. Well done Craig, you kept them entertained!! Hi, my names Lauren Herbert, Craig is just playing the guitar and the children are making up a song about their first memories! they're all really enjoying it, Craig is fantastic!

four thousand and seventeen

Yowzer!!!! My good mate Tony The Banjo Wilson did a brilliant short film of me reading some poems out on the library bus at the Sunderland friendship Festival 2 years ago. Its on YOU TUBE and it has got an amazing 4017 hits!! Over FOUR THOUSAND people have watched me and i want to say YOWZER to everyone of them BOOYAHHH!!! Its all a bit good innit!! Yeah Man!!! I used to go and watch Halifax Town a lot and they used to get about 4000 people in the ground so i know what that mnay people look like!!! Its not a lot like a million but its still a lot, if you know what i mean, its a lot to watch a bloke reading poems out on a bus anyway!!!! Lets go for FIVE THOU!!!

Lost In London

I had an interesting week last week. I was in Chorley on Tuesday morning with the I AM People, a project at Southlands High school and then i nipped across town to Shaftesbury short stay school, where we talked about Romeo and Juliet and trousers!! Then on Thursday i went all the way down to Essex to Thurock Primary school ( the sme school where Russell Brand used to go) to read my poems out. It was a good day cos we did some writing then mums and dads came in the afternoon, about 50 of them, to hear the poems we had written that day. Brand new poems they were, still in the wrapper!!I stayed at my mates Denis Bonds house. Denis is a writer like me and lives in Sidcup. I got lost on the tube trains ( aaarrrggghh!!!! way too many people) and went to Kings Cross train station for a train back up to Huddersfield. But a bloke with a long face told me that there were no trains at all because of a problem on the line!! I waited for 2 hours and finally got home at 11pm!! I was glad to see Huddersfield!!! Then on Saturday i was in Kirkby library, near Liverpool doing a song writing workshop with the One Voice Project. A great week, visiting some different places and doing some different things!! I have another good week this week, then its half term and then the madness begins!!! Loads and loads of schools all the way from the last week in Feb to the first week in April where i finish off in Belgium!! Holy Moly!!!!! Better go to bed!!!

Seven Goal Thriller In The Wigan Rain

Its Saturday, its raining, you have a day off, so what do you do?? I know, you go to Wigan!! yep, thats what i did. My mate the poet Ian Bland is Poet In Residence at Wigan Football Club and got some free tickets. I have never been to a Premier League match before so it was good to see one in the flesh! Wigan played Blackburn and beat them 4-3. A seven goal thriller it was. Blimy O Riley!!On the train on the way back my specs broke and i had to walk back with one eye kind so closed and probably looked like some mad bloke in the rain!!! All in all an eventfull day in the Wigan rain!!

Nose Like A Strawberry

I have just done 2 days in Overdale Primary school in Kirkby Liverpool. It was great fun and a really friendly school, with good dinners (Thank you the dinner ladies!) and groovy people. BUT.....i had a massive spot on my nose that made me look like an evil clown who has just escaped from a circus!! I was reading my poems out in front of everyone and i could tell that they were looking at my nose and not listening. They were sat there thinking, Is that one of those joke noses that you can buy, you know that kind that come off when you take your glasses off!! One lad asked why my nose looked like a strawberry.
Nice simile!! Poetry term!!!
No idea why my nose turned into a strawberry but it did. Could have been worse i suppose, coulda been a cabbage or a melon or somefink!! Its got a bit better now but blimey, it was unreal!! I'm too old for spots but maybe i just have very young skin!!!!!!! Strawberry Nose, thats me.

Radio Magic

I was on the radio today, on the Alex belfield show. We were talking about Man Flu. And heres the thing.. i am on the radio quite a lot, and you talk about anything. I mean, what do i know about man flu? Its kind of weird being on the radio but i love it. You are in this little room, talking into a microphone, just waffling on about this and that, and you kind of forget that there are thousands of people listening to you. People out there in radio land, people doing normal people stuff like the washing up, drinking tea and reading the papers. And you are talking to them. Your voice is on the radio waves, the invisible radio waves that somehow get you to speak to people in their own front room. Magic innit!!

The Poems That Wrote Themselves Part 2

Picnic In The Rain

Remember that picnic we had in he rain
in that big park just down the lane
when the wind went wild like a hurricane
and your crisps got washed down the drain
and the cake got wet but we didn't complain?

Remember we were there with Ben and Wayne
and Jack and Rose and her mate Jane
who wrapped her butties in cellophane
then went and left them on the train
oh, she's such a scatterbrain

Remember we pretended to drink champagne
like we were flying somewhere on a plane
maybe to a sunny beach in Spain
and the raindrops dripped and drove us insane
in that big park just down the lane

Do you remember that picnic we had in the rain?

The Poems That Wrote Themselves Part 1

These two poems kind of wrote themselves. Really!! I just sat there looking at a piece of paper and before i knew it, SHAZZAM!!!!!!, there they were right in front of me. I love when that happens. Its like being plugged into a big poetry machine somewhere. I think the trick to writing poems is not to try too hard.

Cool Blue Bike

I'd really like
a cool blue bike
but if it was red
I'd ride that instead
if it was white
that would be alright
if it was black
I'd call it Jack
if it was green
I'd call it Maureen
if it was yella
I'd call it Cinderella
if it was brown
I'd ride it round the town
if it was gold
I'd do what i was told
if it was grey
I'd be OK
if it was pink
i don't know what I'd think
cos what I'd really like
is a cool blue bike

Jupiter and Pianos and Magic

What i really want to do is to learn more about the stars and magic and the piano. I know a little bit about stargazing, i know a little bit about magic and i know a little bit about the playing the piano but life isn't about little bits is it?? Its about doing the whole thing brothers and sisters!! Do you want a little bit of ice cream? NO Do you want a little bit of pizza? NO WAY!!!! So I'm going to learn more about all those things. I just hope i don't get them all mixed up and start piano gazing and playing the stars. Actually playing the stars sounds kinda alright to me!!! 3,2,1 we have lift off!!!

Its January and if you look out of your window facing south you can see Jupiter. Its a big bright light and its a planet and its amazing!! If you look North you can see a piano in the sky and then some guy doing magic tricks...amazing!!!

Am I The Nutter On The Bus?

Last year i did 87 blogs. i like doing them even though i have no idea who, if anyone reads them. I do get the odd comment when i go into schools, like someone says, hey dude, i read this or that on your blog and it was good. So i keep doing them. Its all a bit weird really. I mean i sit here in my imagination station and type what ever it is that pops up in my head and put it out there in blogland. I could be writing a poem or doing a handstand or even practising my silly walks but no. I'll keep doing this blog for another year and see what happens. If nobody is reading its a bit like talking to yourself like a nutter on the bus or something. Maybe that's what i am, that weird nutter on the bus who mumbles to himself and starts laughing for no reason. If any one is out there reading this then send me a comment. DO IT NOW!!!! I don't want to end up on a bus on my own, having a convo with myself.

Two Thousand And Eleven

The future is here now!!
When i was a kid i thought that by the year 2011 we would all be wearing silver space suits and flying around on hover boards. I thought that we would eat pills that taste of fish and chips for dinner and all of us would have time machines. I thought that the aliens and us would be best mates and that we would go on holidays to Mars and places like that.
But no.
No hover boards or silver space suits or any of that stuff. Still its good though innit? Two Thousand And Eleven. Amazing or what??? Its the future and its cool. Hope everyone has a cool year, even if you don't have a time machine!