The Twelve Blogs Of Christmas 3

Have You Heard The Moon?

Have you heard the moon?
Have you heard it sigh
as it sits collecting moondust
on its moon shelf in the sky

Have you heard the Sun?
Have you heard it sing?
as it shines the air with promises
of what the day may bring

Have you heard the wind?
Have you heard it moan?
its wicked wind chill factor
will chill you to the bone

Have you heard the rain?
Have you heard it cry?
sobbing its broken heart out
as its tears fill the sky

Have you heard the sea?
Have you heard it roar?
as it rolls and swells and slowly
waves goodbye toward the shore

The Twelve Blogs Of Christmas - 2

Did you see the moon yesterday? There was a complete lunar eclipse. It started at around half six in the morning and went on for around an hour. I was out in the big field behind my house watching it. It was ten below freezing but worth it. The last time there was a lunar eclipse on the shortest day of the year was 400 years ago. They all said that the moon went a kind of copper red. It sounds like it was a bit embarrassed by it all. Well, I'm not great with colours but it did go weird. Because of the way it happened you could really see that the moon was a ball and not just a disc like a big old dinner plate up in the sky. It was well cosmic!!

The Twelve Blogs Of Chrimbo

I have finished work for the Chrimbo breakorama!!!!!!!! The snow is still here -it looks a bit comfy if you ask me - and its getting a lot like Christmas in our house. here is my TOP TEN CHRIMBO things that i have done recently.....
1. Went to see Christmas Carol at the pictures. It was great, a bit scary at first but i loved it.
2. Watched The Polar Express. Cos its ace and you know it!!
3. Went out in Manchester with all my mates from the STREETSPEAK poetry project. It was a laugh. Terry Caffrey was on nine quid cocktails - Go on Tel!!- and Andy Winters did some amazing magic tricks!!
4. Fed the birds in our back garden - remember to feed the birds in your back garden.
5. Watched about 20 cowboy films. Now thats livin!!
6. Ate a big bowl of nuts and raisins.
7. Went shopping.
8. Had a big serious man to man conversation with my Dad about turkey, beef and pork.
9. Wrote some good poems and some dodgy ones.
10. Got a CD with traditional Christmas carols on cos they remind me of me Grandma singing in the kitchen.

Bath Time In The Back Garden

The snow looks like its on its way out. Hippeedoodle!! In my back garden this morning there was a big puddle, or a dead snowman if you like, and there were loads of birds having a bath in it. They looked like they were having a good time. They were all chirping and chatting or chirting and chapping, to a big magpie (like a baby penguin) came and stood and watched them like a lifeguard or something. He had a little whistle around his neck. Then, when all the other birds had finished and flew off back to work the magpie got in for a bath. Imagine having a bath in a muddy freezing cold puddle in the back garden. I remember bath nights when i was kid. Every Sunday night my dad would run a bath and get in, then, when he'd done, mum would get in and then my big sister, then my big brother then my other sister and then, finally me!! By the time i got in the bath it was cold and scummy!! I'd moan a bit but I'd come downstairs after and watch The Planet Of The Apes and everything was great!!!

I Wanna Be A Chuckle Brother

I wanna be a Chuckle Brother
that's what i wanna be
i know there's only 2 of 'em
but i could make it 3

I wanna be a Chuckle Brother
with Barry, Paul and me
I wanna mess about and have a laugh
and do it on TV

I wanna be a Chuckle Brother
everybody does
why don't you be a Chuckle Brother
and be like one of us

And don't worry if you're a girl
a Miss and not a Mister
just chuck away the brother bit
and be a Chuckle Sister!!

Sixteen Below Zero

Today, when i was driving around to Nowwhere, the temp gauge in my car went as low as 16 below. That's minus 16. That is colder than a fridge and about as cold as a Butchers freezer! I was like a frozen lamp chop i was!!!

The Frozen Pipes Of Poetry

Today i got up at 5.30am and spent 20 minutes scraping the ice off the car windscreen, inside as well as outside!! The temp was nine below freezing. I drove on the M62, A1 and A64 to a place called Escrick just outside York. The windscreen kept freezing up but you can't really stop on the motorway so i had to keep going. It took me about 2 hours to get there. When i got there the school was shut because of the frozen pipes!!! AAAARRRGGGHH!!! They couldn't even make me a cuppa!! Up at 5.30 in the dark and 100 miles of driving on a horrible dark frozen motorway for nothing!!!! What can you do? Well, what i did is turn around and drive back. On the way back the sun came out and the windscreen was hardly see-through-able!! I'm telling you, i was glad to get home. Snow and ice and nice if you don't have to go out and drive in them. I'm sticking to the settee to day!!! Get the kettle on will yer. Hobnobs please!!!!

How To Be A Snowflake

Flutter snowfully in the breeze
with your frosty flurry of friends

then fall like wishes on roofs and trees
that's where your journey ends

It OK to be a ball or a man
but remember never to speak

try to remain as pure as you can
and always be unique

Beware of snowploughs and of cars
they'll turn you to slush instead

remember to sparkle like the stars
when all the worlds in bed

Paint the sky with glitter
dance in the sliverblue

the winter air is bitter
with the cool surprise of you

That's how to be a snowflake
remember how it felt

then when you want to go flake
allow yourself to melt....

What Do You Know About Snow?

What is this white stuff we call snow?
Where does it come from and where does it go?
It freezes things up and stops the show
What do you know about snow?

How come it falls in a flake and not in a drop?
Is it made by a bloke in the Old Snow Shop?
Who knows when it'll start and when it'll stop?
What do yo know about snow?

What is this stuff that makes your nose go red
that makes old people stay in bed
and makes the weatherman scratch his head
What do you know about snow?

It makes you shiver, makes you freeze
and if it makes you look daft when its up to your knees
how come it looks great on Christmas trees?
What do you know about snow?

Bouncy Snowmen.

Its snowing like mad here. When i was a kiddy wink we used to sing about the snow like we'd go, snow snow go away, come back again on washing day!! Oh, hang on a mo, i think that's wrong, i think it was rain we used to go on about. Well i like rain and i like snow but which ones best? Only one way to find out FIGHT!!!!!

People have snowball fights but nobody has a rain fight do they? I mean they should. Poor rain, it feels all left out. Rain is like the bad cop and snow is the good cop. Poor little rain drop!! You can sledge in the snow and make snowmen and all that but you can't sledge in the rain can you? And you can't make a rain man. I AM THE RAIN MAN. I knew a rain man once, yeah, he was a right drip. BUM BUM. But i like all the rain words like drizzle, storm, pour and when it rains you say things like its bouncing down. Snow can't bounce can it? Imagine that, bouncy snow? The snow would hit the pavement and then bounce back up into the sky. We'd get bouncy snowmen!! Now that would be cool, that be really cool, freezing in fact!!
Yeah man.

Jack Dawsons Big Idea

I've just had some great news. I wrote a book a couple of years ago, not a poetry book, but a book book y'know called Jack Dawsons Big Idea and i have finally found a publisher for it. The publisher is called Tonto Books who are based up in Newcastle. The boss is a bloke called Big Stu or Little Stu if he is standing far away and he wants me to write not one, not two but three books in the same series starring Jack Dawson. The first book will be out next March followed by the second one in October. I'm dead chuffed with it all. The fact that some one wants to spend money on getting your own book out there is an amazing feeling really. it looks like I'm going to be busy. I'd better get scribbling away....

Diary Of A Whitby Kid

I went to the pictures the other day to see Diary Of A Wimpy Kid. I thought it was great, very funny. My sons have the books and i'd seen them lying around the place but i've never picked them up and read them.
I will now.
One of the characters is called Fregley and he looks like i used to look when i was a kid. AARGGHH!! In fact he looks a lot like i used to look. He's a bit smaller than i was but he had the ginger, curly hair, the glasses and all the rest of it. What a geezer he was. Fregley played like the goofy kid uncool kid that everybody takes the micky out of but i liked him a lot. Well i would do wouldn't i?
I like the title of the film as well. Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, it sounds good and titles are important. I could write a book called Diary Of A Whitby Kid about this soft lad who goes to the East coast of Yorkshire for his holly jolly days.
Maybe not eh???

What Is A Bloke?

I've had some comments from the Cyber people in the USA. All Star wanted to know what a bloke was!!!!!! A bloke is a guy, a geezer, a chap, a man!! I suppose its a slang word. That Poetry Bloke!! That's me brothers and sistras!! and ta for all the great awesome like comments. Ta by the way means thanks before you ask. Keep smiling!!

Cyber School USA

WOW!! WOW and WOW again!!

Today i did something that I've never done before. No i didn't wrestle an invisible camel or dance with a gaint man eating duck or eat a whole pizza in less than one minute. I spoke, via the wonder of the web, to a cyber school in Pennsylvania USA. The pupils, about 30 of them, could hear me talking from Huddersfield in England, as they sat in their rooms in America, 3000 miles away or something like that.
Amazing really innit?

We talked about sausages, ice cream and fish and chips as well as writing poetry and all that kind of stuff. It was ace to think we were talking across the ocean. Its something i have never done before and i really enjoyed it. A big THANK YOU to Deanna for setting all this up and to everyone who asked me great questions, oh and Elissa, i don't know the Queen but if i ever meet her I'll say hello for you!!! Cyber school rocks!!!!

Toxteth Tale Of Trousers

I'm in Toxteth library with Georgia, Chai, Darcy, Susan, Denise and Trisha. We have been talking about trousers and accents and pants and all that type of stuff. It was all part of something called Evolving English, which is a BIG BRITISH LIBRARY thing about collecting peoples voices. We talked about pants, undercrackers, kecks and different words for different stuff. It was really good or sick and awesome and boss. See ya la!!!

Song After Song After Song

Today i was a human radio!! I was in a school in Bradford called St Edmunds Nursery School, speaking to young people aged 2-4. I normally work with pupils ages 5-11 so this was a bit different. i have been into this school before but it was still different!! They wanted me to play the guitar and sing silly songs all day, so that's what i did. I did 11 sessions through the day and must have wrote and played about 6 or 7 brand new songs that we made up in class!! It was ace. We wrote songs about Ben 10, the classroom and we wrote songs about each other. And then we sang and danced to them!! Yeehah!!!A BIG thanks and well done to everyone for a funny, creative, daft, day that was full of sparkle, madness, noise and ideas.

Now i just need to lie down in a dark room somewhere....

I Heard The Rain Sing On Bonfire Night

When it rained on Bonfire night
i could have run and hid
instead i stood out in the rain
and this is what i did...

I listened to the raindrops
singing like a choir
falling out of a darkening sky
and sizzling in the fire

Bellybutton

What are bellybuttons
supposed to do
its just a little hole
in the middle of you

They
don't help to keep
your pants up
or fasten up your sweater

what about a belly zip?
yeah, thats better

Bionic Brian

Bionic Brian

Bionic Brian
is made of iron
there's nothing that he fears

But he complains
when it rains
cos sparks fly out of his ears!!

Firewood and Mushy Peas

Its Plot Night this weekend or Bonfire night whatever you call it. I have actually seen the school that Guy Fawkes used to go to, its St Johns in York - one of the oldest schools in the country - and they don't do Bonfire night cos they don't burn old pupils!!! Anyway... i went to the woods today to get some wood for the bonfire that we have in the back garden. The woods is a great place. Its full of shadows and dark corners and it has a great musty, damp, earthy smell of fallen leaves and wet muck. Its great being in the woods during the day, its empty and kind of a bit scary but still good!!! I AM THE WOOD MAN!!! I got two big bags full of wood, then came home and started making the mushy peas. My Mum used to make these mushy peas that were like little green diamonds of taste and delight!!! Mum used to put some meat in there as well. The best ever!! The secret with mushy peas is to soak them for about twenty years, that makes them go all soft, squidgy and, er...mushy. (Great word Squidgy innit!! It wins the Word Of The Day Award) Can you believe that some people actually don't like mushy peas. I mean what is wrong with them!!! I have to go now cos i have to go to a dead serious place called Huddersfield University and talk to dead serious people about dead serious stuff. Maybe I'll just talk to them about mushy peas.

Monkey On A Motorbike

I saw a monkey on a motorbike
whizzing down our street
he had big leather boots
on his little monkey feet

He had a little leather jacket on
all shiny, black and red
and a little monkey helmet
on his little monkey head

He did wheelies and tricks
and jumped off a ramp
he flew through the air
like a monkeybike champ

Then he rode off
and waved at me
the worlds greatest daredevil
chimpanzee

A Viking On The Toilet

Had a great weird and wonderful day today. We went to York on a day trip -had a full mash BIG Breakfast and then a boat ride up the river. We finished the day off with a look around the Jorvik museum. It was a great smelly place - real old smells from ages ago - then we had a little ride around a real life size model Viking village, it was dark and a bit scary- there were vikings doing alsorts of stuff including one on the loo!!!Complete with sound effects!!! WOW. I'll never forget it, i mean its not everyday you see a viking on the toilet is it?? Hang on, I've had an idea ...Viking On The Toilet, sounds like a cracking poem to me.....watch this space!!!

Planting The Electric Tree

I have a free day today. Everybody else has gone out. There is just me in the house on my Jack Jones. The thing is , when you are a writer, you never really have a day off ( some would say that it's the other way round and that you never go to work in a proper job!!) because you are always thinking about stuff and going over ideas. I mean right now i am writing this blogola so....anyway. Here are TEN things i did on THE BIG DAY OFF

1. Tried to write a poem called The Queue Cumber. I came up with the title but thats it!!
2. Had a quick tidy up in the Imagination Station. You can see the carpet again.
3. Planted some tulip bulbs for next spring. I didn't plant electric bulbs cos that would be daft, although growing an electric tree sounds kinda cool...
4. Had a cheese and tomato butty.
5. Had another cheese and tomato butty.
6. Thought about that Queue Cumber again, stll didn't finish it.
7. Thought about doing something. Didn't get around to it.
8. Planted an electric tree.
9. Waited for it to grow.
10. Had an idea - next time i will plant a micro-wave tree cos they grow quicker.

Half Termtastic

Half term is always interesting for me. I visit loads of schools so when schools are on holiday i have to go somewhere else. So far this half term i have been to 3 great places. Number one was Tatton Park in Chesire. North West libraries were holding a Family Book Day and alsorts of writers, storytellers and illustrators were coming along to talk to people. Two hundred people turned up on the day. I was in a big hall waffling on as usual but the thing is, the hall had a secret. ( Cue scary laugh and thunder crack sound effect!). On the walls were 100's of animal heads hidden behind a curtain. I am not talking cuddly toys here. I'm talking real animals that had been shot and stuffed!!! It was all a bit scary and weird. There were buffalos, antelopes, tigers and even a massive moose. They had all been collected by the Lord of the manor in the 1800's and he thought that he'd put them on the wall and let people have a nosey. The crazy Victorians eh??
Place number two was Bewerely Park Outdoor Education Centre, near Harrogate. I did a session there with looked after children which was a hoot!! I even got some chicken sweet and sour!!!The centre is in the middle of nowhere and it was pitch black driving home!!! Scary Mary or what!!!The final place i have been this half term is the Opera House in Buxton. I was doing the Childrens Festival there and it was ace. I LOVE theatres and this one was a beauty. Buxton is a great place so if you haven't been GO NOW. Its in a place called the Peak district and its full of big hills, valleys and er...peaks!! Freaky Peaky Deaky.

Yeah man!!!

Living It Large In Liverpool

I was doing my thang in Toxteth library, the other day. Toxteth is in Liverpool. I love Liverpool. Its one of my favourite cities!! Its got the Beatles - the best band ever, if you don't know who they are, Google them up now!!! COME ON WILL YER!!!! It has a big river called the Mersey. Everybody in Liverpool is a comedian!! I did a school in Liverpool once, it was Wayne Rooney's school, and I met his Mum, she still works there as a dinner lady. The sessions in Toxteth were great. Trish and Susan, the lovely library ladies, got me a posh butty at dinnertime and after we had done, they took me to a famous Liverpool pub called the Philharmonic. Lots of famous poets go into this pub and one of my faves, Roger McGough goes in. I thought he might be in. He wasn't!! Liverpool was great, in fact. I am going to take my little kiddy winkys over half term.

I have just read this blog to make sure that there are no mistakes in it and i realise i have given you TWO great tips. The Beatles and Roger McGough. Check dem badboys out now!!!!

Where The Mangoes Go

I saw a man go
here and there
juggling mangoes
through the air

Here and there
high and low
wherever the man goes
the mangoes go

Blue Like Custard

Why is custard yellow?
That's what i want to know. I went walking on the moors in Marsden today with my old mate Big O. Big O is a nightclub bouncer and boxer. He's also a bit of a poet and thinker, he like quoting Shakespeare a lot. Anyway, the sky was blue and it was a beautiful Autumn day. I mean really beautiful in a crispy clear way. Big O asked me why the sky is blue and i said because it follows the natural laws of colour, the same law of colour that makes custard yellow. Big O nodded like he actually believed me!!! Never listen to poets, they make stuff up y'know!!! But hang on, lets go with it for a minute, what if the sky was yellow like custard and custard was blue. I'd like that, lovely runny and lumpy yellow sunsets and nice sweet blue custard on your apple pie. Blue Like Custard, sounds like a poem....

Little Kid With The Big Sick Bucket

This poem is all about these people i see sat outside the staffrooms in schools. They are a bit poorly and look a bit green round the gills. I hope they all get better soon!!!

Little Kid With The Big Sick Bucket

You always see one
sometimes two
sat outside the staffroom
not knowing what to do

The little kid
with the ghostly face
they have a big sick bucket
just in case

They might have headache
or a dodgy tum
now they're sat waiting
for their Mum

I always see them
as i walk by
they always look
like they're going to cry

i feel right sad
whenever i see
the little sick kid
with the bucket on his knee

Four Days In Blackpool -The Sequel

Yeeeeeaaaahhhh. Just done my Blackpool stuff and its been ace, wicked, mint or whatever you call GOOD. When you write books for your job people think that you just sit down eating Hobnobs in a nice room somewhere. Now they may be some writers who do that but not me!! I get all over the place and last week i was in the Las Vegas of the North - Blackpool!!! The tower, the beach, the fish and chip shops, the people in Fleeces on the seafront, the wheelie bins ( i think Blackpool is where all the wheelie bins in the world go for their holidays, i saw millions!!). The schools i went into were great and i had a really great time speaking to young people and sharing ideas. All is good!! The day after Blackpool i was in Kirby, Liverpool, where they all thought i spoke funny!! Hello to everyone i saw in Kirby and well done to all those who got their Summer Reading Challenge certificates!!! Keep reading.

Four Days In Blackpool

I am halfway through a crazy four days in Blackpool. I am doing something as part of the Wordpool Festival. Its always good to come to Blackpool, i used to come here a lot as a kid on holidays so i have lots of happy memories of the place.I Have been going into schools and its a been a bit MAD!!!The schools have been busy making out that something has happened in school,something like an alien or a strange monster has landed.In Anchorsholme primary there was a big pile of horsepoo in the middle of the playground!! In another school, St Johns, there was an amazing nest ,made out of twigs and stuff and it had a massive egg in the middle of it!! WOW!!!The nest even had a guard!!,one of the teachers had dressed up like the STIG and was standing there like some kind of alien!!!We had to write about it and make up some poems. There were ideas all over the place. Well done all the teachers and well done all the writers. I was inspired!!!More strange beasts to come tomorrow.....

I am doing this blog on a teachers laptop and it has taken me ages cos i keep putting my finger where my finger shouldn't go!!!!

Mr Bloke

Just finished two loud, crazy, creative and fun days in Abbeydale Primary School in Sheffield. Its a school i have been in a few times before. Going back into a school for a repeat visit is always a bit different. People know what you are going to do!!! Everyone at Abbeydale knew what i was doing, it seems that half of them knew my poems better than me!!! They even requested some of my old poems that i don't do anymore. I got good coffe from the Headteacher ( ta) lessons in Bangra dancing of Sabaa and got told i had a funny face by someone else.!! A BIG BIG thank you for everyone at Abbeydale, especially the girl who kept calling me Mr Bloke!!! I think that she thought my first name was That Poetry!!! Good luck with all that poetry stuff that you are doing.

Its All Going On Brothers and Sisters!!!!!!

Here is a list about some of the things that have bveen happening recently.

1. Did a charity walk with me old mate Ian Bland. we were supposed to do a walk called the dalesway but the sky fell on our heads in a place called Dent It was raining so hard i got blisters as big as balloons and i think i grew webbed feet so we had to give up. We did 30 hilly, wet miles in 2 days, camped and performed in 4 schools along the way to about 200 people and raised about £150 for charity. Even though it was hard and i had sore feet i still loved it!!

2. I finished another book, its a novel called Goodnight Charlie Goodnight. I now have about 4 books written that i don't really know what to do with!!! Might as well start another and make it 5!!!!

3. It was my youngest son Jacks 7th birthday. He got loads of stuff including a Stig cake, Lego and Chelsea shirt that says Drogba on it.

Time for a sit down!!!!!!

All ready for the BIG WALK!!!!!!!

I am packing my rucksack and getting ready for walking the Dalesway. ( Don't forget the loo roll!)I reckon this walk will take us about 5 days, us being me and my mate Ian Bland. I am kind of excited, scared, nervous and happy all at once!! i hope the weather is kind to us and we don't get flooded out. All the schools on the way -Goodly Dale in Windemere, St Oswalds in Burneside, Grayrigg Primary in Grayrigg ( well it would be wouldn't it!!), Sebergh Primary, Dent Primary and Burnsall have been very friendly and helpful - with offers of cups of tea, dinners and camping spots - so a BIG THANK YOU to them. All that we have to do now is walk 80 miles!!!! Piece of cake. I'll be blogging on the way, letting you know how my blisters are coming on!!! LETS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donate online through my Just Giving page click on the link: http://www.justgiving.com/thatpoetrybloke

That Poetry Bloke - The Movie!!!

I have had a great last few days. I went up to South Shields, where my good friend, the incredible Mr Tony Banjo Wilson, filmed me doing all sorts!. I read loads of poems out on camera and walked around and talked about what i do for a living. Then we recorded some songs in Tony's loft studio and generally had a great creative time. Tony is making a film about me and my work and it's below. The weather was great and it looks like we were somewhere hot and sunny!!!


Part 1.



Part 2.



Part 3.



Part 4.

Top Tent Terrific Tent Trip

Just come back from a camping trip to Ripley in North Yorkshire. Ripley is famous for its castle and its fantastic ice cream. Here are the holiday highlights...
1. All of it.
2. The sunshine on Sunday.
3. Going for a early morning walk with Benny Boy and seeing rabbits and rainbows.
4. Going to Brimham rocks. If you haven't been, go there NOW!!!!
5. Watching the full moon nearly every night.
6. Looking at the Chinese lanterns.
7. Watching a big red hot air balloon float past right above us.
8. Meeting the pigs at breakfast. They were called Barbara, Prudence, Emma and Matilda. If you had a pig what would you call it??
9. Watching other people getting mad trying to put up their tents.( shouldn't laugh but i do!!)
10.Feeding the ducks and watching them fight!!!

Big Shout For Bradford Libraries!!!

Its been a busy old week. I have been all over Bradford, doing my thang in the libraries. Yeah man!!!!I have been into 15 of them!! Standing up and reading your own poems out in public libraries is always interesting because you never know what you are going to get. I am used to strange looks!!I must have had every different kind of audience over the years. I have done gigs where no -one has turned up and done gigs where everyone in the world seems to be in the same room. Bradford was good though, here are the highlights.... The stinkbomb in Keighley (Pooo), the mobile in Cullingworth, the heated biscuit debate in Holme Wood and the bucket chair in Baildon!! All good stuff. Now i am going camping in a big field somewhere, to sit and stare at the stars, eat Hobnobs and dream up some new poems......See yuz later brothers and sistras!!!!

Another Mobile Poem

Here is another poem from the crazy mobile library in Bradford. Whoever thinks that libraries are quiet and boring wants to try this library!!!

Alisha, Alisha
that's my name
singing and dancing
is my game

I like animals
monkeys are the best
i wanna be a zookeeper
you'll be impressed

Pizza and ice cream
is my favourite tea
especially if its just
Luke and me

I am a tomboy
and a cool ice skater
my poem is finished now
so see you later

Another poem written on a bus in Bradford. You really can write poems anywhere!!!

Poems on the Mobile

It is the 17Th of August. I am in a place called Cullingworth.I am sat on the mobile library bus with two crazy people writing poems about everything. One of these people is called Lash and J+G. We have written some poems. Here is one...

My name is JB Brown
you will often see me shopping in town
Jayden Smith is a good looking guy
his face is sweet like an apple pie

Chicken Korma that will do me
i think I'll have it for my tea
In the Crown of the girls
i am the jewel.

I go to Excape
with my snowboard
and in the summer
we go abroad

I wanna be a dentist
with my drill
Jaydens dads cool
he's called Will

This is my poem
it can't be beat
one more thing Jayden
I've got nice feet!!!!


Wow, a poem written on a bus in Bradford!!!!

Jaws - Even The Music Is Scary

Today i watched a film i watched years ago. It called JAWS and its about a dentist, no its not really, its about a shark, a great white shark. Great white sharks are called that because they are great and white and er... sharks. My sons Lilly and Rose, sorry, Ben and Jack watched it and Ben said that even the music at the beginning is scary. He's right. It is. The music goes like this....Bumbum, bum bum, bumbumbumbumbumBUMBUM. That's a lot of bums. Jaws is a great film though. And its not even about bums. Whats that all about????????

That Bloke Called Tom

Today was a really cool day. I got locked in a fridge. No i didn't, just being daft. I walked on the canal towpath for about 7 miles, from a place called Sowerby Bridge to a place called Todmorden. It was a bit drizzly and wet. Well you don't get dry drizzle do you?? Drizzle is like baby rain. I got attacked by two geese ( Dave and Bob) who hissed and honked like mad and then ran at me. Maybe they have read my books and don't like them. I fought them off with my rucksack. I felt like Indiana Jones. Then I got really close to an heron. I could almost touch it. Herons are big bird who like paddling about in water. you can always tell if they are there cos you can see their towels on the riverbank. Then this heron, who i think was called Malcolm, flew off, i think he had a train to catch. Herons are great though. When Big Malc flew off he looked like one of those dinosaur birds, a Terry Dactill, i think they're called. Then i went to a cafe in Todmorden to meet my old mate Tom Palmer. Tom writes books, sometimes two at the same time about football. He writes the Football Detective books about this detective who, er.. likes football. I only get to see Tom about once a year cos he is all over the place like me, going into schools and dong stuff like that. He showed me his fancy new iPhone. I was so impressed i had to buy some cake. Then i walked home. No goose attack this time. Bob and Dave had gone shopping in town.

Hey, this is my 50th blog entry!!! Lets celebrate!! Time for more cake!!!

August

You wouldn't think it
looking out of the window
at clouds the colour of unwashed undies
but it is August

It really is,
August
the time for butterflies and B-B-Q's
and sunny days and orange juice

We should be picnicing
by the sea
stuffing our faces with crisps and pop
these summer days will never stop

This is a summer i'll never forget
just tell me, has it started yet??

One To One

Today was cool. I was a guest on BBC Radio Leeds on the One to One show. The show is all about music and what it means to you. I had to pick ten songs that mean a lot to me and talk about the reasons why. It was a bit weird talking about myself for an hour- i think other people are more interesting - but it was good to hear some of my favourite songs. I picked songs that were around when i was kid like Two Little Boys by Rolf Harris and Halfway Down The Stairs by the Muppets. I have been on radio a lot and i like doing it. You don't have to put a nice clean short on and you can just have fun talking about cool stuff. If you really want to, and you're quick, you can listen to the show on the BBC Radio website.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/p008wkzv
Check it out man!!!!!!!

BIG SUMMER JOLLYS

Well, its that time of year when the schools have broken up for the big summer holidays which means i can get to take it easy for a bit. I have got bits and bobs over the summer, in libraries and summer schools, but i do get some time to put my feet up a bit. My idea of putting my feet up is to go for a long walk up a mountain or by a river somewhere. I also do some writing over the summer, i have a couple of books i want to finish. I also have to be a Dad and do Dad stuff like cutting the grass, dancing really badly in the kitchen and burning every sausage on the BBQ. Over the summer i am also making a bit of a documentary so that will be good fun. Tony Wilson the brilliant story teller and banjo player is the man with the camera. I don't go into schools in the hols but i have plenty to keep me busy. I just hope the sun shines!!!! Happy Summer Holidays!!!!

3005

I have done it!!! I have just looked on my YouTube clip and i have reached the three thousand mark!!!! I am dead chuffed about it. three thousand people might not be a lot in the great big world but its a lot to me!! Just think, THREE thousand people have watched me on You Tube. I mean they could have been doing other cool stuff like playing the violin, painting a picture or making a fish finger butty but no, they were watching me on the computer!! I'd like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has seen it. Now you can do something else, like playing the violin, painting a picture or making that fish finger butty..........

Getting About A Bit

I have had a great few days. On Friday i was hosting the Teen Fiction Awards at the Grand Theatre Blackpool. I love working in theatre land. It makes me feel like a real actor or someone off the telly. Theatres are fantastic places with dress circles, stalls, stages and big mirrors in the dressing rooms with light bulbs. The Grand Theatre in Blackpool is one of the best old theatres in the country. If you get the chance go and check it out. On Saturday i was at Magna Science Adventure Centre in Rotherham doing my thing at the Rotherham Childrens Festival. I met me old mate Tony Mr Banjo Wilson and had a great time. To finish my weekend i was up in Sunderland at the International Friendship Festival. It was my 3rd time at the fest and it was another good one. Monday i was in Wakefield speaking to Stu from Tonto Books, Tuesday i am in Scarborough, Wednesday i am on the moon, Thursday up in Venus....

No Kitchen

Here's the thing....we have no kitchen at the moment because Big Daz the kitchen man is fitting in a new one. There are boxes of stuff where boxes of stuff shouldn't be. We haven't got a sink, i mean where am i supposed to wash me socks?? Its nice and sunny which is a good thing because we can eat outside and pretend we are camping somewhere nice like Cornwall or up in the Lake district. I have had 2 great days at Rotherhams Childrens Book Festival. Thanks to John and Peter for driving me around and thanks to Oliver who asked me why my nose looks like a strawberry!!! I think i must have been out in the sun too long!!! Could be worse, my nose could look like a cabbage!!!

Whatever You Do Don't Mention The World Cup

Ok, I won't then!!!

Welcome To The Willowdome

I am very lucky. I get to go all over the place visiting schools. Every school i go into is different. Today went into a great school in the middle of rural Lancashire. It was right in the middle of nowhere and was beautiful. I did my thang in the Willowdome which is like a dome made out of, er, willow!! Yeah man!! It was a bit like some kind of African hut and it was brilliant. I have pictures somewhere. It was a lovely day and we made some of our own words up the Go Compare tune off the telly. It went something like-----Playing fair, playing fair, you can grin, when you win by, playing fair, the crowd are roaring when you are scoring, like a team of lions we can win by playing fair!! La La La La. There were so many ideas i was a bit discombobulated by the end of it!!!! Well done to all the Willowdomers i had a real beano!!!

Who'd Be A Goalie?

I have been watching the World Cup and loving it. I love the Bafana Bafana, the Jabalani and the Vuvuzalo's. I love watching the African teams - the noise, the fans, the colours and the craziness of it all!!!I watched the first England match against the USA and wrote this poem.

Who'd Be A Goalie

Who'd be a goalie
guarding the nets
a hero one minute
a villain the next

When you save free kicks
and penalties
everybody thinks
you're the bees knees

Jumping for crosses
brave and strong
you can't seem to do
anything wrong

But when you let
in a goal people moan
leave you standing
on your own

standing there
with your head in your gloves
you're suddenly the player
nobody loves.

That one is for Robert Green, England Goalie, because we all make mistakes but that's OK, that's why pencils have rubbers on the top!!!

You Can't Ignore A Labrador

I have been asked my the lovely people at Macmillan Childrens Books to make up some poems about dogs and puppy's and stuff like that. So here's one I wrote on a slow train to Newcastle....

You Can't ignore a Labrador
when he's rolling around the kitchen floor
when he is barking at the door
or chasing his tail or chewing his paw
he bites it till he makes it sore
but he's not bothered he's got 3 more
he loves meat, eats it raw
with his slobbering doggy jaw
the greediest dog i ever saw
he likes his lead, knows what its for
knows i keep it in the drawer
life with him is never a bore
I'll say it like i said before
you can't ignore a Labrador

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEWCASTLE LIBRARIES

Happy First Birthday Newcastle Library

I have been up in Newcastle all weekend. The fantastic library is one year old already!!! I do lots of stuff up in the North East so it was great to be asked to go up and be a part of the birthday celebrations!! I did some writing workshops with young people and talked a lot about feet and cabbage heads for some reason!! Hello to the pink drinking, deep thinking, word tinking, writing blinkers - Leasha, Lozza, George and Danny. Hello also to Judy and Crazy Kay, who used to sell wooden handbags, for sorting out a great weekend for me. There had a massive birthday card on show that included a little verse i wrote - Find yourself a birthday cake, smother it in ice, write Happy Birthday Library, and cut yourself a slice. Yeah man, well good!!

LIVE IN CATTERICK BARRACKS

THAT POETRY BLOKE LIVE IN CATTERICK!!!

469 Miles

Last week i drove 469 miles all over the place visiting schools. I was up in Catterick at the schools up there on the army garrison - Le Catteau and Carnagill,as well as Goldsborough Primary, Dewsbury Library and Holt Park in Leeds. I have a little VW Polo called The Versewagon and whizz about in it!! I used to go on the trains but now i just get in my car and go Wheeeeeee!!!! I listen to loud rock and roll and eat up the miles. The day in Le Catteau was ace because we did the poems under a big old oak tree outside on the fields. We kept waving at cars going past and had a real beano!! Yeah man.

Old Bob Goes Bananas

Why does bananas have so many A's in it? Why is abbreviation such a long word? How do you grow seedless grapes? I get asked all sorts of quezzies on me travels and those 3 were some of the best recent ones. Today i went for a bike ride with Bob again. He creaked a bit but after a bit of oil he was OK. I went round the hills near where i live, this was my route.... i went up my street, past the unicorn farm, round the by the magic castle, across the road of doom, round by the invisible tree and up Underpants Lane. It was good ride on a beautiful day. I like getting out and about in the sunshine. I like walking a lot, in fact i am planning some thing amazing and brilliant to do with walking, watch this space!!!!

The Sun Has Got Its Hat On!!

Today was a super duper Mini-Cooper type of day. I was in Goldborough Primary school up in North Yorkshire, near Knaresborough. I'm doing lots of schools for North Yorkshire Libraries at the moment. It was a beautiful sunny day ( i felt like singing...y'know what?? i think i will...the sun has got its hat on, hip hip hip hurray, the sun has got its hat on and its coming out today!!! there, thats better!!!) and the school was great. It was in a lovely place, next to a cricket pitch in a old vilage in the country. The school only had 74 pupils and they were all great to meet and to talk to. The sun shone all day, i had a lot of fun and even got a free dinner ( meatballs and rice). Thanks to everyone in school, especially Sally who made toast and asked me in the first place!! Summer really feels like its on its way now. YIPPEEE. Time to blow up the beachball, find my shorts and get the silly shirts out of the wardrobe!

A hill called Ingleborough

I went for a walk today up a big hill called Ingleborough. Its one of my fave walks. it was sunny when i set off but then it started hailing. There were loads of jets flying about and it was all a bit James Bond!! I think you should walk up Ingleborough. If you do say hello from me.

Books On Wheels

I had a great day on saturday. I was in Dewsbury at the Rams Rugby league ground surrounded by loads of mobile libraries. Big wagons full of books!!! Every year lots of the libraries meet up and show each other their fancy mobile libraries. I saw loads of people i know like the poet James Nash and library people from all over the country. I talked about my job and had a lot of fun. Everyone laughed in the right places so thats good. My good mates at Sheffield libraries even won the prize for the best mobile. Well done Claire and Ann. I'm a big fan of mobiles and i have been on loads. i think getting books out there, to people who might not be able to get to a library is a great, important and mega thing to do.

Its Star Wars Day

Star Wars Day

The next time its May the 3rd
this is what you do
just say tomorrow is Star Wars Day
cos May the 4th be with you!!

Its May, its sunny and its my birthday in 8 days. Does it get any better???

Top Ten Names Of People I Have Met In Schools

1. Awesome
2. Brilliant
3. Seven
4. Chance
5. Lucky
6. Venus
7. Chandaleah
8. April, May and June ( 3 sisters)
9. Star
10.Turnip Head

( All these are real names of real people that i have met in schools, well apart from the last one. i made that one up )

The Day When A Poem Flew In The Window

This poem just appeared a couple of night ago. It kind of flew in the window and said hello!! I wrote in in the same length of time that it takes you to read it. Wish they were all like that. Its called My Bed Is Like A Boat.

My Bed is like a little boat
sailing on the sea
I share a pair of bunkbeds
with my brother and me
I have a crew of cuddly toys
to keep me company
as I sail my little bedboat
across the sleepy sea

We drift across the ocean
to where the waters deep
then cast away the anchor
and sail a ship called sleep

That Mysterious Web Bloke

Imagine this....there is a bloke somewhere in Thailand called Andy. He is wearing a silly hat to cover his even sillier hair style and he is sat a computor right now. The room he is sat in is dark and warm. Outside big crickets churp in the long grass. Sweat slowly drips down Andys neck. Lets face it, its not going to drip up his neck is it?? Andy is a computor genius. He could take over the world if he really wanted to. That would be easy peasy lemon squeezy. He wants to fly home, back to England but a massive cloud of volcanic ash won't let him. So, to kill time he does something amazing. He gets hold of my website and gives it a good shake. Andy is the man who does my website for me. He works under cover of the night and no-one really knows who he is or where is is. All we know is that people call him Andy and he likes Hobnobs. But he is a website expert, just look at this gallery thingy that he has done. Its over there to your right. Yeah, thats it. Cool or what.

A Donkey called Simon

Yesterday i had a great day at the Scarborough Literature Festival. Hipee, a day at the seaside. The festival is a good one with loads of writers coming along, all talking about books and reading and turnips. Well, not sure about turnips but you know what i mean. My event was called Wacky Words and it was a lot of fun. BIG LAFFARAMA!! You never know what you are going to get in library land. I once did an event in a library to three people and a dog!! I not sure about the people but the dog liked it. Scarborough though was a good one but the sea was cold. My sons Ben and Jack came. They had a donkey ride. Jacks donkey was called Simon. They had a paddle and both said they had feet like ice. Quick joke to finish - what do donkeys have for dinner? They have half an hour like everyone else.

Its ok i'll stop now.

Its the Easter break. Here are the TOP FIVE THINGS THAT HAVE GONE ON in the Easter hols.

1. My son Ben ate a real life oyster!!!He didn't want to at first but he took a deep breath, went a bit gaga for a while and just did it!!! He said it was lemony and chewy.
2. Bens bro Jack wants to be a train driver. I asked him how he would know where to go and he said that he would just follow the tracks. Of course he would.
3. I walked 9 miles from Dewsbury to where i live in Huddersfield because i thought it was a good idea. Here's how it felt - 1 mile Ok, 2 miles Ok, 3 miles kind of Ok, 4 miles say what!!, 5 miles Ow, 6 miles hang on a minute, 7 miles nearly there, 8 miles sore feet, 9 miles big cup of tea.
4. Jackie did lots of shopping. Then the day after she did a bit more.
5. I cut the grass, planted some flowers, went for a day out, had a curry, played cricket with a football and got an iPod.

Wow. When the holidays finish i might get a break!!

There Is A Bloke Drilling Somewhere

There is a bloke drilling somewhere. I am in my room at my house where i do all my writing. Well, i do lots of writing on trains, buses and in pubs, er i mean cafes and all that but i always write them on to my computor in my room or as i call it The Imagination Station. Well today there is a bloke drilling somewhere and it sounds like the drill is in my head. I don't know what he's doing. Sounds like he is drilling to the centre of the Earth. What does a big drill sound like?? A dinosaur snoring? A mythical beast on the loo? I reckon if i wrote a poem today it would sounds like this AAAAGGGGHHHHHHGGGRRRRBBBBKKKLLPPP or something like that. Acually, thats not too bad. Maybe one of the best poems that i've ever written. Maybe write your own drill poems. Heres another kakakakakakakakakakakaka. Hey i'm getting good at this.

Heavy Jelly And A Bike Called Bob

Today i went a bit mad. It was raining and grey and all that but i still went a bit mad. This is what i did. I got my old bike out of the shed at the bottom of my garden, got my jogging pants on and went for a ride. It is very hilly where i live so it was hard work, no, make that HARD WORK!!!!. My face was red and i got strange looks from old ladies whizzing past on buses. WHAT'S GOING ON?? WHO'S THAT BLOKE!! My bike is a black mountain bike called Bob. He has one million gears. I had to pump his tyres up a bit and oil the chain but old Bob did ok. It was me who was huffing and puffing!! It was tough, sweaty and made my legs feel like heavy jelly. But y'know what??? I liked it. Think i'll do it again. Come on BOB!!!!

Amazing Letters From Hereford

I went to Hereford recently and had 2 great days at the Childrens Book Awards down there. It must have been good because people have been writing to me!!! I got 4 brilliant hand-written letters from Paige, Joe, Courtney and Stacey who all go to Brampton Abbotts Primary School. Paige said that i made her laugh a lot and i read 2 good poems!! Joe said that i entertained him with my jokes, he also said that even the teachers liked my stuff!!! Courtney said that everyone was laughing so much that they all had red faces!!! And Stacey said that my dancing was funny and she wished that i could come back everyday!!! Blimy O riley!!!! Great letters from great people. Thank you very much and keep smiling!!!! Thank you Brampton abbotts and ta for the toast!!

Football On The Moon

Told ya there was poem comin on!!!!

Football On The Moon

Imagine playing football
on the moon up there
you'd get stardust in your hair

If i played on the moon
i'd be delighted
to score a goal for Moonchester United

But no-one would clap
no-one would cheer
there wouldn't be much atmosphere

I'd be the amazing Astro Striker
no-one could catch
i'd even win the Moon of the Match

With all the goals i scored
all the free kicks i curled
playing football on the moon

would be out of this world

The Book Of The Moon

I am reading this amazing book. Its called The Book Of The Moon and its all about the moon. Well it would be wouldn't it!!! Its full of awesome pictures, facts and stuff. Did you know that if you drove to the moon and you went at 70 miles an hour it would take you 135 days to get there. If you walked it would take you about eight and a half years!!!!!!!!! Imagine that, walking to the moon!! If you set off and you were ten years old, then by the time you got there you'd be 18!!! WOW. You'd have to have some good boots and and take loads of sarnies with you. I have always looked at the moon, just stared at it and wondered what its all about. Oh Little Moonhead, tell me your secrets!!!!! I mean what would it be like playing football on the moon? You could play for Moonchester United. I have written lots of poems about the moon. I like that idea about playing footy up there. Hang on a minute.... i can feel another poem coming on.....

Three Cools Days

DAY ONE - Le Catuea Primary school is a school on the Army garrison in Catterick. I was there for a day. I thought i would see loads of soldiers but didn't see any. I was dissapointed. I learnt how to salute and I even brought my shiny boots!! Great day in school though. Lots of teachers with double barreld names. At ease everyone. By Your Beds.
DAY TWO - Wicked Waste Conference Sheffield. The thing about Sheffield is that i always get lost when i try to leave it. I can find it ok, but trying to get out of the city is impossible. I have to circle the world three times. HEEEELLLPP!!!! Great day at the conference. Met loads of Litterheads. Wrote a cool tune as well. DO NOT DROP YOUR LITTER. BIN IT!!!
DAY THREE - Sutton on the Forest Primary school. Only 90 people go to this school and it was great to meet them and talk to them. North Yorkshire is a beautiful place and i often stop the car when i am up there and just look out of the window at the trees and the fields and the flowers and the cows. The cows look at me like i am a bit weird though.

From Hereford and Beyond

I spent a great two days down in sunny Hereford at the Childrens Books Festival. The libraries organised it and put me in schools. I also did a session in the town hall - big and echoey and noisy!! Hereford is a nice place, lots of blue plaques on the walls of old buildings. I stayed in a nice hotel and here are Seven Things I did In The Hotel Room.
1. Spent about an hour trying to work out how to turn the telly on.
2. Ate the free chocolate chip cookies.
3. Stared out of the window.
4. Tried to write a poem but stared out of the window instead.
5. Listened to the radio.
6. Read a magazine called Welcome To Hereford - lots of cows in it.
7. Made a cup of coffee, forgot all about it and it went cold so i made another one.

I Was Never Triplets

This poem was inspired by 3 sisters i saw one day in a school. They were triplets and they were called April, May and June. Hello if you are reading this. This ones for you!!

I was never triplets
but i'd like to have been
with a sister and a brother
and me tucked inbetween

I was never triplets
2 others and me
a kind of buy 2
get 1 free

I was never triplets
never 1 of 3
but hang about, maybe i was
my mum, my dad and me.

WORLD BOOK DAY 2010

Today was World Book Day and i was in two schools. First i was in Harrogate at the Richard Taylor Primary school. The assembly was great. Eveyone was dressed up as people out of books. I saw pirates, lions, princesses, ghosts, Cinderellas and a dodgy looking plague victim!! I don't know what book that was but the scabs looked good. I had a great time so thankyou for everyone and thankyou as well to Bettys Tea room who supplied the fruitcake in the staffroom. In the afternoon i drove across to Pateley Bridge. It was a beautiful day. The sky was green, the grass was blue and, hang on a minute, we have gone upside down!! Ah well. What a lovely place it is. I got to school number 2 - St Cuthberts and did my thang!! Everyone was great and i had a right laugh. We talked about cake, cows, laughing, words and ideas. It was fabulastico!! A big THANKYOU to everyone and i hope you enjoyed WORLD BOOK DAY and much as me. Keep reading.

LIVE IN HUDDERSFIELD - ZERO DEGREE

After flying to Mars and back we finally arrived at London Heathrow at 6am on Monday morning. We had to get a taxi to collect the car and then drive home to Huddersfield. It was foggy, drizzly, grey, wet and very cold and Brunei seemed not just like a different country, but a whole galaxy away. By the way, my son Ben filled a hat-trick of sick bags on the way home, just as everyone was settling down to a nice aeroplane breakfast!! We got a few looks!

Jackie drove home cos I couldn't keep awake. Got back to Huddersfield at 2pm. If the fog and rain and drizzle wasn't enough, we found out that we had had a leak in the bathroom somewhere and the wallpaper has peeled off in the kitchen and dining room downstairs. Talk about coming back down to earth with a bang! I'm not so famous now am I? Jack fell asleep in his bowl of pasta, which I took as a signal, and we all went to bed at 6.45pm for a good 12-hours kip!

What a trip. All too short. But who knows, I might get lucky again one day and go back.

LIVE IN BORNEO

Today we did something I have only ever read about. We got on a plane and flew to Borneo. I'm gonna write that down again cos I can't believe it myself. We got on a plane and flew to Borneo. There that's better - it's starting to sink in now.

We got to a great hotel called the Shangri La and then straight on a bus to the Orang Utan Sanctuary at Rasa Ria. Orang Utan by the way means man of the forest and we saw 3 little men of the forest in the trees right above us - amazing to see them so close. And blimey can these guys climb trees!! It was so hot I was melting. I went and cooled off in the South China Sea!

Amazingamazingamazingamazing!

This morning it's Chinese New Year and we have seen the Dragon Dance all around the hotel. Loads of drums, cymbals, noise and celebration - really exciting. What a way to end the trip.

We'll soon be leaving this beautiful country but we will take a little bit of Brunei and Borneo back with us (no I don't mean the towels from the hotel!).

Byebyebyebye Brunei.

LIVE IN BRUNEI 6 - THE BIG FINALE

Last day in JIS today and it's been a week I will never forget. Everyone has been so friendly and I'm not just talking about the people in schools, but the people in the hotel and people on the streets. Fiona has been amazingly generous and won't let me pay for anything!!! Coming from Yorkshire I'm not used to that - but I could get used to it!!

After some more workshops in the morning we finished off with a performance in the gym. It was crazy and chaotic but great and performers were brave and fantastic. Well done everyone! It was a great way to finish. I really, really, really hope I will be back one day. Who knows which way the wind blows?

After school we went on an amazing trip up the river with Fiona and Sal. We saw 14 Proboscus monkeys in the wild, they have big bellies and big noses (a bit like me!). We also saw 4 lizards, a family of sea otters, loads of egrits and a sea eagle (not a seagull!). We didn't see any crocodiles (phew) cos they didn't get an invitation to our party - maybe the next time!

Went to bed feeling very strange, surreal and unreal - what a day! What a week! What a place!

LIVE IN BRUNEI 5 - LIBRARY TIMES

Today I was in the library speaking to more people at Jerudong International School (JIS). Today we did some writing and I showed a powerpoint show all about Huddersfield, snowmen and all that kind of stuff. The pupils wrote some brilliant poems which we are going to perform in assembly tomorrow afternoon - in a kind of poetry slam. It's gonna be good fun!!

Tonight we went shopping in Gadong. Look around the shops and bought some bits and bobs for people back in sunny Huddersfield. We had a lovely meal and Sal made us taste some ABC - which is jelly, sweetcorn, ice, coconut milk all mixed up - a bit like a fruit stew. It was tasty but mighty strange!!!

It's going so fast here I can't believe it's nearly over!!!! (I'm actually cheating here I am writing this on Sunday as I didn't get time before. We are actually packed and ready to rumble to catch 3 planes back home.)

LIVE IN BRUNEI 4 - JERUDONG SINGSONG

Today started with breakfast, chicken sausages with toast. Fiona picked us up at 8.30am and drove us to Jerudong International School. When I say school, it's more like a hotel/leisure/library/sports complex/park. It was awesome. I have been to thousands of schools but never had a welcome quite like this one. It was like CRAZY. My face was everywhere. It was big. It was small. It was on posters, on corridor walls. It was in the library. It was on bookmarks. It was even on a banner on a fence outside the school! Me and my big face - WOW!

I met loads of great, clever, quick, funny pupils who were full of fantastic ideas. It was great to talk to them in the gym and in the library and they made me feel so welcome and at home.

At dinner time I had a sandwich and there was a brilliant school jazz band playing in the canteen. I had a walk around school and spotted a monkey walking along the school fence. Even the monkey said Hello - I told you it was a friendly place!!

I'm back there again tomorrow - can't wait - see you then!

LIVE IN BRUNEI 3 - TWO HORNBILLS

Early start today. Picked up at 6.45am and driven to Panaga School which is about one and a half hours away from the Empire Hotel where I'm staying. Drove through the early morning rainforest mist - very dramatic. Got there and met with Mr Richard and had a look around the school before I got started. In Brunei they don't call teachers by their second name but by their first. So I would be called Mr Craig. A girl called Amy came out to see me and told me to look at the beautiful birds in the tree. These birds were called hornbills and were amazing things to see and made me feel like I was in the tropical house at Chester Zoo!! Another great day, lots of fun, lots of ideas, lots of energy and shouting out. I found out that staff rooms in Brunei are sometimes called Teachers' Lounges. It was so hot today that when I left the cool air-conditioned Teachers' Lounge and went into the sun, my specs steamed up - a bit like walking into my Grandad's old greenhouse!

A big thank you to everyone at Panaga for making me feel very welcome, and for Mr Richard for putting the kettle on.

This evening Fiona and Liz took us lot out to see the amazing water village - homes on stilts built in the river. We saw young lads swimming and jumping off the bridge into the water. We got a water taxi and saw the mangroves and the Sultan's amazing Palace. Imagine living in a house with over 500 rooms, you'd never finish the hoovering and you'd never find your keys!! We also saw the amazing Mosque with a dome made out of real gold - it looked fantastic, like nothing I've ever seen before.

Looking forward to three days in Jerudong International School starting tomorrow - this tour just seems to get better and better.

LIVE IN BRUNEI 2 - THE MOON IS UPSIDE DOWN

At 4.30am this morning I was looking at the moon and realised it was upside down! Imagine that!! I felt like standing on my head to make it all right.

Today was an amazing day. I was in ISB - International School of Brunei - and had one of the best days in a school I have ever had. The teachers were friendly and welcoming - thank you Liz for that - and the pupils were just amazing. They made me feel like a rock star!!! Thank you to all the pupils of ISB for making it a really special day for me. When I got back to the hotel, I did the only thing I could do and jumped into the South China Sea! And even though I'm sitting here typing this on my blog it still all feels a bit unreal, but in a fantastic way.

Tomorrow I am in Panaga School and I'll let you know how I get on.

Brunei Rocks!

LIVE IN BRUNEI 1

I am here in Brunei after flying half way around the world and having a chicken quiche in Dubai airport. I got here this morning - at least I think it was morning, I haven't slept for 24 hours. Had an amazing welcoming party with Fiona, Angela, Sal and Jade from Jerudong International School. They were even wearing That Poetry Bloke T-shirts - how cool is that???

Got to the Empire Hotel - sea view and phone in the bathroom! Can't wait to get started tomorrow in the International School of Brunei - looking forward to meeting everyone and having fun.

Off to get something to eat now and catch up on some Zzzzzz.

Laters!

There is a great picture of me in action taken by Andy at St Marys Catholic Primary - Halifax on 8th Jan. 2010.

Darth Vader In The Chippy

I am That Poetry bloke and this is Thats Poetry Blog so i think we should have some poetry on it!! Heres a new one ---

I saw Darth Vader in the chippy
with his saber, his cape and his mask
i wondered what he was doing
but didn't have the nerve to ask

I just stood and stared at him
I didn't know what to do
Darth Vader out of Star Wars
just standing in the queue

He ordered pie and chips
and got out his money to pay
then he flew off in his death star
to a galaxy far far away

I Like To Rhyme It Rhyme It -Thai style

I have just seen something amazing on You Tube. My old mate Andy is a teacher in a school in Thailand and he has got some of his pupils doing the Rhyme It dance. You can see it on You Tube under my name and its on the second page. I'd like to say a BIG BIG THANKYOU to all the brilliant dancers who did a fantastic job. You are all stars.

See the You Tube Clip HERE!

Countdown To Brunei!!!!

Last week was great, all week in Leeds schools. A big shout to Blackgates Primary, Oulton Primary, Ninelands Primary, Fieldhead Carr Primary and St Nicholas Primary. All were great - one highlight was the Ninelands school band playing the Flintstones theme as i was setting up!! I've been trying out some new stuff in school, including a song called Where's me Trousers? It seems to be going down well. Thanks to 6K and 6B - Miss Bunages class at Blackgates for helping me out with that one!!!

Miss Bunage is a great name for a teacher. I also met a Mr and Mrs Tinkler in Wardley Primary in Salford. I think i might have a competition to find the teacher with the best name!!! I'll let you know if i meet any more!!

Its getting close to lift off here with the BIG TRIP TO BRUNEI getting very close. I have to make a last minute dash to Liverpool on Thursday to sort my son Jacks passport out and then we are off!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Welcome

Hello You Lot!! Welcome to my funky new blog. I've been thinking about doing a blog for a while - I like reading other writers' blogs so I thought I'd give one a go.

I'll be telling you all about what I've been doing and what I'm gonna do.

There's lots going to be happening this year - new books, trips abroad and all that kind of stuff, but more about those things in another blog!

This week I will be in Leeds schools all week starting with Blackgates Primary on Monday. Can't wait!

That Poetry Bloke

Welcome

Hello and a Happy New Year, this is my new blog for 2010