A Viking On The Toilet

Had a great weird and wonderful day today. We went to York on a day trip -had a full mash BIG Breakfast and then a boat ride up the river. We finished the day off with a look around the Jorvik museum. It was a great smelly place - real old smells from ages ago - then we had a little ride around a real life size model Viking village, it was dark and a bit scary- there were vikings doing alsorts of stuff including one on the loo!!!Complete with sound effects!!! WOW. I'll never forget it, i mean its not everyday you see a viking on the toilet is it?? Hang on, I've had an idea ...Viking On The Toilet, sounds like a cracking poem to me.....watch this space!!!

Planting The Electric Tree

I have a free day today. Everybody else has gone out. There is just me in the house on my Jack Jones. The thing is , when you are a writer, you never really have a day off ( some would say that it's the other way round and that you never go to work in a proper job!!) because you are always thinking about stuff and going over ideas. I mean right now i am writing this blogola so....anyway. Here are TEN things i did on THE BIG DAY OFF

1. Tried to write a poem called The Queue Cumber. I came up with the title but thats it!!
2. Had a quick tidy up in the Imagination Station. You can see the carpet again.
3. Planted some tulip bulbs for next spring. I didn't plant electric bulbs cos that would be daft, although growing an electric tree sounds kinda cool...
4. Had a cheese and tomato butty.
5. Had another cheese and tomato butty.
6. Thought about that Queue Cumber again, stll didn't finish it.
7. Thought about doing something. Didn't get around to it.
8. Planted an electric tree.
9. Waited for it to grow.
10. Had an idea - next time i will plant a micro-wave tree cos they grow quicker.

Half Termtastic

Half term is always interesting for me. I visit loads of schools so when schools are on holiday i have to go somewhere else. So far this half term i have been to 3 great places. Number one was Tatton Park in Chesire. North West libraries were holding a Family Book Day and alsorts of writers, storytellers and illustrators were coming along to talk to people. Two hundred people turned up on the day. I was in a big hall waffling on as usual but the thing is, the hall had a secret. ( Cue scary laugh and thunder crack sound effect!). On the walls were 100's of animal heads hidden behind a curtain. I am not talking cuddly toys here. I'm talking real animals that had been shot and stuffed!!! It was all a bit scary and weird. There were buffalos, antelopes, tigers and even a massive moose. They had all been collected by the Lord of the manor in the 1800's and he thought that he'd put them on the wall and let people have a nosey. The crazy Victorians eh??
Place number two was Bewerely Park Outdoor Education Centre, near Harrogate. I did a session there with looked after children which was a hoot!! I even got some chicken sweet and sour!!!The centre is in the middle of nowhere and it was pitch black driving home!!! Scary Mary or what!!!The final place i have been this half term is the Opera House in Buxton. I was doing the Childrens Festival there and it was ace. I LOVE theatres and this one was a beauty. Buxton is a great place so if you haven't been GO NOW. Its in a place called the Peak district and its full of big hills, valleys and er...peaks!! Freaky Peaky Deaky.

Yeah man!!!

Living It Large In Liverpool

I was doing my thang in Toxteth library, the other day. Toxteth is in Liverpool. I love Liverpool. Its one of my favourite cities!! Its got the Beatles - the best band ever, if you don't know who they are, Google them up now!!! COME ON WILL YER!!!! It has a big river called the Mersey. Everybody in Liverpool is a comedian!! I did a school in Liverpool once, it was Wayne Rooney's school, and I met his Mum, she still works there as a dinner lady. The sessions in Toxteth were great. Trish and Susan, the lovely library ladies, got me a posh butty at dinnertime and after we had done, they took me to a famous Liverpool pub called the Philharmonic. Lots of famous poets go into this pub and one of my faves, Roger McGough goes in. I thought he might be in. He wasn't!! Liverpool was great, in fact. I am going to take my little kiddy winkys over half term.

I have just read this blog to make sure that there are no mistakes in it and i realise i have given you TWO great tips. The Beatles and Roger McGough. Check dem badboys out now!!!!

Where The Mangoes Go

I saw a man go
here and there
juggling mangoes
through the air

Here and there
high and low
wherever the man goes
the mangoes go

Blue Like Custard

Why is custard yellow?
That's what i want to know. I went walking on the moors in Marsden today with my old mate Big O. Big O is a nightclub bouncer and boxer. He's also a bit of a poet and thinker, he like quoting Shakespeare a lot. Anyway, the sky was blue and it was a beautiful Autumn day. I mean really beautiful in a crispy clear way. Big O asked me why the sky is blue and i said because it follows the natural laws of colour, the same law of colour that makes custard yellow. Big O nodded like he actually believed me!!! Never listen to poets, they make stuff up y'know!!! But hang on, lets go with it for a minute, what if the sky was yellow like custard and custard was blue. I'd like that, lovely runny and lumpy yellow sunsets and nice sweet blue custard on your apple pie. Blue Like Custard, sounds like a poem....

Little Kid With The Big Sick Bucket

This poem is all about these people i see sat outside the staffrooms in schools. They are a bit poorly and look a bit green round the gills. I hope they all get better soon!!!

Little Kid With The Big Sick Bucket

You always see one
sometimes two
sat outside the staffroom
not knowing what to do

The little kid
with the ghostly face
they have a big sick bucket
just in case

They might have headache
or a dodgy tum
now they're sat waiting
for their Mum

I always see them
as i walk by
they always look
like they're going to cry

i feel right sad
whenever i see
the little sick kid
with the bucket on his knee

Four Days In Blackpool -The Sequel

Yeeeeeaaaahhhh. Just done my Blackpool stuff and its been ace, wicked, mint or whatever you call GOOD. When you write books for your job people think that you just sit down eating Hobnobs in a nice room somewhere. Now they may be some writers who do that but not me!! I get all over the place and last week i was in the Las Vegas of the North - Blackpool!!! The tower, the beach, the fish and chip shops, the people in Fleeces on the seafront, the wheelie bins ( i think Blackpool is where all the wheelie bins in the world go for their holidays, i saw millions!!). The schools i went into were great and i had a really great time speaking to young people and sharing ideas. All is good!! The day after Blackpool i was in Kirby, Liverpool, where they all thought i spoke funny!! Hello to everyone i saw in Kirby and well done to all those who got their Summer Reading Challenge certificates!!! Keep reading.